This e-mail was sent to me today, and I couldn’t stop laughing. By the way, please don’t actually call 1-900-slacker — it is a real company that was not too pleased when I called today.
Is Visiting teaching / Home teaching getting you down? Can’t get your Leader off your back? Is Visiting Teaching interfering with your TV and manicure? Is Home teaching cutting into your personal time?
We can help! At Zion’s Visiting Teaching Service we’ll do your Visiting/Home Teaching for you. For a small monetary fee we will send one of our trained representatives to the homes of your families.
Basic Visit. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10
Basic Visit plus Spiritual Message . . . . . . . . . . $15
Birthday and anniversary cards in addition
to the Basic Visit and Spiritual Message. . . . .. . . $20
Is $20 too much to pay for peace of mind?
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Call us at 1-900-752-2537. That’s 1-900-Slacker.
PLEASE NOTE: Because of heavy volume, an extra $15 will be added for the last day of the month.
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Check Out Our New Services
Meetings: We will send a representative to the appropriate meeting to take
notes for you and report back.
Ward Council Meeting . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $30
Ward Council Meeting w/ written report . . . . . $50
Presidency Meetings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $20
PEC . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$25
Sacrament Meeting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $20
Sunday School . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $20
Priesthood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . $20
3-hour Sunday Block (best value) . . . . . . . . . . .. . $50
PLEASE NOTE: Surcharge of 10% for stake meetings
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Call us at 1-900-752-2537. That’s 1-900-Slacker.
PLEASE NOTE: Because of heavy volume, an extra $15 will be added for the last day of the month.
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Talks and Lessons
Did a bishopric member call and assign you a talk? Tired of wasting Saturday night preparing a lesson? Well, free up your time and just read one of our professionally prepared talks and lessons. No need to spend countless hours poring through books, writing and praying. We’ll do it for you!
Basic Talk (any subject assigned) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $20
Scripture Talk (basic + 5 scriptures) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $30
Deluxe Talk (scripture + 1 poem + 2 G.A. quotes) . . . . . . $40
All talks are guaranteed to last 15 minutes.
Add $1 for each additional minute
Basic Lesson (40 minutes) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . $25
Deluxe (Basic + visual aids) . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .$35
Super Deluxe (Deluxe + Handouts) . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $45
* Due to high expectations, centerpieces and floral arrangements, Relief Society lessons are slightly higher. Call for quote.
* Due to lower expectations, priesthood lessons receive a 10% discount.
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Call us at 1-900-752-2537. That’s 1-900-Slacker.
PLEASE NOTE: Because of heavy volume, an extra $15 will be added for the last day of the month.
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Introducing our Bundle Buys and Frequent Shopper Plan
Bundle any 3 services and receive a 20% discount. Receive one free Basic talk or lesson with any 10 purchases.
There you have it! We take all the work off of your shoulders and put
ours to the wheel just for you.
Casserole Service
If you just can’t possibly throw together food for various Ward occasions,
WE CAN!
Our basic services include:
a.. Funeral Potatoes
b.. Green Bean/Mushroom Soup with Crunchy Onions
c. Green Jell-O with Carrots
d.. Spinach Dip in a Bread Bowl
e.. CheezWiz/Tater Tot Surprise
For only $15 (plus deposit) each delivered to your house with Corningware marked with your name! They’ll never know you didn’t make ’em!
Is there a discount if you buy Visiting Teaching visits in 6 month bundles? Or one low annual fee?
Cool.
Does that come with an associated dating service package?
How much to get my home teacher to leave me alone this month?
my bishop was wondering if there the meeting subs can be used for Bishop’s? he might gladly take anyone up on the offer…
How much for a day at the dry-pack cannery?
The attendance is too expensive, but I’d pay for those talks in a heartbeat. I’d double the price to have them actually give it for me.
“How much to get my home teacher to leave me alone this month?”
Get yourself into the EQ presidency (or suck up to one) and assign/request someone who never visits. 😎
Fun post, but this has got me thinking. What about service projects? Is the purpose for members to be doing the service or to get the service done?
Imagine there was a service project in a rich ward. The members who would be providing the service make much more than the cost of hiring labor, so they hire people to do the service and work overtime to pay for it. Because they’ve made more money than is necessary in the time spent, they give the excess to charity. In addition, because the service was done by skilled laborers, the work is actually done quicker and at a higher quality than it would have been otherwise. All parties are better off in this scenario, in addition to some charity.
Would this be morally reprehensible? Will we see an age where the EQ Pres. will announce, “Bro. Jones is moving next week, so anyone who can pitch in and help pay for the movers would be appreciated.â€
And as Canadian asks above, I also think it might be more productive to have the members donate extra to Fast Offerings and turn the canneries into businesses who hire regular workers – which could provided needed jobs for some members.
Might I suggest an extra fee for Home teaching/visiting teaching? The service isn’t complete unless it includes a report to the EQ President / HP group leader / visiting teaching supervisor. Remember, your home/visiting teaching isn’t done until you return and report.
The rumor was that Bill Marriott, when Washington D.C. Stake President paid his Executive Secretary to make sure everything was done. Hmmm.
I’m a Happy Valley housewife, and at the scrapbooking stores around here, you can buy a visiting teaching handout for $2.00. I kid you not. The package includes a quote pulled from the message printed on colored paper, some type of candy, and a cute message turning the name of the candy into a spiritual pun, i.e., “enjoy ‘Mounds’ of spirituality by studying your scriptures”. It’s in a printed cellophane bag with a ribbon that matches the colored paper.
Sadly, no one has yet offered a delivery service. You have to take it yourself.
Yeah, I’ve been tempted to hire some of the illegals in the Spanish branch when we were short of movers, the ones who think they’re not working hard enough unless they are working two jobs.
The first people I asked to help move me were the unemployed members of our ward, and then slip them a few dollars. It can be a learning experience. After working with some, you can sometimes see why they’re unemployed.
When it comes to laziness with visiting teaching, I think our ward just might top the list–I live in the dorms at BYU, which means that our entire relief society lives within 30 yards of each other. I’m not kidding: our relief society is just our floor of girls. (We think we might be the most geographically compact stake in the world. It’s got to be about a block wide and 2 blocks long.) And yet we still run about 40% visiting teaching every month. Good grief!
I can relate to that Queen Lucy. I went to BYU back in the late ’70’s and lived in May Hall in Helaman Halls. The furthest any Visiting Teacher had to go was two floors down. Our percentages were low – I am not sure of the exact numbers. Back in Toronto, when I was a YSA, I used to take a bus, two streetcars and walk a few blocks to visit one of my sisters. I remember thinking: how could everyone not get their visiting teaching done when they only have to go down two floors. Good Grief is right!