Would you mind helping a friend of mine with a difficult situation?
Let us call her Erin. Erin is new to her ward. She spent the first five months without a calling, and this led to her wishing for more involvement. She hoped to build the kind of friendships she’d had in previous wards, and admired many people here from a distance, but never had occasion to get to know anyone. Despite some proactive attempts, acquaintances didn’t grow into friendships, and her relationships with those in her ward remained warm but distant. Erin’s world remained largely defined by her kids, with whom she spent all day, every day.
Finally, the call came. Erin was asked to fill the position of nursery leader. Now, instead of going to Relief Society and Sunday School, where she could occasionally interact with the adults of the ward, she would spend two precious church hours every Sunday with- yes, her kids (and others like them).
Erin was crestfallen. Despite her efforts to be grateful that the Lord had found a spot for her, she wondered why on earth she’d been given this calling– yet another moment of being cloistered from adult interaction and mature discussion. It was not only disappointing to be assigned to the nursery because the service with kids would be so redundant, but because it meant that the calling she’d hoped would facilitate interaction with the adult members of the ward was not coming.
She wondered: is it the policy of the ward simply to assign the mothers of nursery kids to run the nursery? Will I be stuck in this calling and left there for an extended period while everyone else builds friendships and forgets about me? Is there some skill of Motherhood I’m lacking, that needs to be developed, and hence the double duty? And most important of all, is this calling inspired?
Erin accepted the calling on the spot. She’d been taught, and believed, that good members of the church accept callings, regardless of the circumstances. Chances are she’ll serve out the length of this calling with a good attitude and stiff upper lip.
But she’s also considered other possibilities. Would it be so inappropriate to approach the Primary President and ask for clarification about the reason for the calling? Could she solicit information on whether the calling was inspired? Would the primary president be interested in extenuating circumstances, such as Erin’s feelings of isolation, or her concerns about how to run the nursery while caring for her newborn? How could such a conversation be initiated in a respectful, deferential tone? And what could be gained from such a conversation, given the potential costs– of appearing to be a faithless whiner? On the other hand, would this conversation be more worth it if Erin feared she might grow resentful of the calling, without a chance to discuss it?
In general, I think most would agree that callings are an uncertain mixture of inspiration and logistical pragmatism. Would the duty to fulfill a calling be mitigated in any way if one found out the calling was not inspired? What are the circumstances in which a calling could be appropriately discussed, questioned, or even turned down?
If you have thoughts or insights on these questions, I’d love to hear them.