Would you mind helping a friend of mine with a difficult situation?
Let us call her Erin. Erin is new to her ward. She spent the first five months without a calling, and this led to her wishing for more involvement. She hoped to build the kind of friendships she’d had in previous wards, and admired many people here from a distance, but never had occasion to get to know anyone. Despite some proactive attempts, acquaintances didn’t grow into friendships, and her relationships with those in her ward remained warm but distant. Erin’s world remained largely defined by her kids, with whom she spent all day, every day.
Finally, the call came. Erin was asked to fill the position of nursery leader. Now, instead of going to Relief Society and Sunday School, where she could occasionally interact with the adults of the ward, she would spend two precious church hours every Sunday with- yes, her kids (and others like them).
Erin was crestfallen. Despite her efforts to be grateful that the Lord had found a spot for her, she wondered why on earth she’d been given this calling– yet another moment of being cloistered from adult interaction and mature discussion. It was not only disappointing to be assigned to the nursery because the service with kids would be so redundant, but because it meant that the calling she’d hoped would facilitate interaction with the adult members of the ward was not coming.
She wondered: is it the policy of the ward simply to assign the mothers of nursery kids to run the nursery? Will I be stuck in this calling and left there for an extended period while everyone else builds friendships and forgets about me? Is there some skill of Motherhood I’m lacking, that needs to be developed, and hence the double duty? And most important of all, is this calling inspired?
Erin accepted the calling on the spot. She’d been taught, and believed, that good members of the church accept callings, regardless of the circumstances. Chances are she’ll serve out the length of this calling with a good attitude and stiff upper lip.
But she’s also considered other possibilities. Would it be so inappropriate to approach the Primary President and ask for clarification about the reason for the calling? Could she solicit information on whether the calling was inspired? Would the primary president be interested in extenuating circumstances, such as Erin’s feelings of isolation, or her concerns about how to run the nursery while caring for her newborn? How could such a conversation be initiated in a respectful, deferential tone? And what could be gained from such a conversation, given the potential costs– of appearing to be a faithless whiner? On the other hand, would this conversation be more worth it if Erin feared she might grow resentful of the calling, without a chance to discuss it?
In general, I think most would agree that callings are an uncertain mixture of inspiration and logistical pragmatism. Would the duty to fulfill a calling be mitigated in any way if one found out the calling was not inspired? What are the circumstances in which a calling could be appropriately discussed, questioned, or even turned down?
If you have thoughts or insights on these questions, I’d love to hear them.
I would not accept a calling in the nursery if I had a newborn because I wouldn’t be able to fulfill the requirements of the job. That simple. I’d also refuse callings to play the piano, etc., because you simply can’t do those things with a baby.
That said, the two hours of chitchat on Sunday is not the only solution to her isolation. Barring the issue of the newborn, I would take the nursery calling and use other avenues to meet my social/spiritual needs besides those two hours Sunday morning. I’d invite other mothers to my home, go to park days, books groups, Institute, etc., etc.
But another way to look at this: there’s usually a parent or two loitering in the nursery. That might be a much better socializing opportunity for her than the five minutes before RS. She could even invite parents of the under-18 month crowd to bring their little ones into the nursery, stay there, and chat. I’ve met some of my best friends while my 2yo was refusing to allow me to get out of the nursery door :).
Its a real shame to hear about these sorts of things. In our own ward any new, under 30 couples that move into the ward get sucked into primary or nursery. They are literally stuck. No one ever seems to be released from these organizations, the only way to get out is to move. There are at least a dozen couples that never have any interaction with the ward and lament about not knowing anyone outside of who’s who’s parent.
As an EQ president I couldnt even get a counselor from them. I was told, “he’s in primary and we don’t want to move him”. Its a difficult situation, because its probably one part revealation and one part process.
I would be more than supportive of her asking the primary president what inspired her to select your friend. In the past our Primary President has rotated substitutes through nursery and the classes so the teachers could have some regular interaction maybe that could be suggested.
I used to take a dim view of expressing preferences about callings to those that call me, but now that I serve in a bishopric that has changed. We appreciate knowing people’s feelings about the callings they have or might potentially be asked to accept.
Also, for the first time in my life of church service I’ve had to get assertive about how the demands of my calling and my wife’s impact my family. If your calling prevents you from taking care of your kids as you’d like to (as is apparently Erin’s case) then you should have no qualms about asking for a release.
Nursery is tougher than primary.
I think that primary teachers should be free to attend RS or priesthood in the third hour at least some of the time. Let the primary presidency and music leaders (who can presumably attend Sunday School in the second hour) do sharing time.
I got the “nursery call” when I moved into my present ward. Part of the problem in our ward was desperation. We have half the ward being more established families and the other half being a college complex that is extremely transitory. Further a lot of people there refuse calls.
After doing the nursery thing for a year, basically saying we’d have to stop because my wife was 6 months pregnant and couldn’t do much, I got called to cub scouts. Unfortunately the other person couldn’t do it. But you can’t host scouts without two adults. (And given the world we live in, I wasn’t about to do it on my own) So I kept asking for an assistent (well technically I was supposed to be the assistant – after all I’d never been in the church’s scout program growing up) I never got one. So I just kept canceling the meetings and waiting to see what they’d do. Eventually they released me and called two sisters.
I think that many calls are as much out of desperation as inspiration. Sometimes we don’t realize just how hard it is to find people willing to take a call. But you also have to put your foot down – especially if you are pregnant or with a newborn.
It’s a tough line here, because you want the bishopric to have as much information as possible, and yet you don’t want to give way to pride, thinking you know better than your priesthood leaders and the Lord.
As for asking if the calling was inspired, a man I was acquainted withon my mission had questioned the inspiration of his calling, and many others. It literally ate at him. Finally, in an interview he asked the stake president if his calling was inspired and the stake rpesident told him “I would never call anyone to anything unless it was inspired”.
Most of the time I don’t feel that it’s our place to judge wether the bishop was inspired or not, we just simply need to do our best because the Lord’s purposes will be fufilled. That being said, we should not be ashamed to council with out priesthood leaders about our callings, but we should avoid a negative attitude about the calling.
I’m in a very similar situation. I was also in nursery in my last ward, so I’ve been there off and on for nearly three years now. I agree with Clark- I think desperation comes into play often with callings. But now I actually prefer to be in nursery over RS, partly because I have a whole flock of little ones who are excited to see me every week. That is not the case in RS.
I also find that I have never gotten a lot of socializing in church anyway, and that I happen to get a lot more in nursery than I do in RS, like Julie mentioned. I’ve met far more people in nursery than I did for my first 4 months without a calling. All I miss now is Sunday School, since we have an excellent teacher in this ward.
So, I’ve taken some things on myself. I have spent more time on personal scripture study. I make a bigger effort to get to know people outside of the three hours at church- something I need to work on. Starting a blog also helped. The two hours in nursery are really a very small part of my week.
And if you think this is bad, I had a friend whose bishop required her as the ward librarian to be in the library the entire two hours after SM. She really struggled with that.
Erin is entitled to know, before accepting any calling, that those extending the calling are doing so out of inspiration. She should share her concerns, and ask them if they truly feel this is where the Lord wants her to be.
Of course, if the answer is affirmative, then she’s stuck 🙂
I don’t think I understand enough about Erin’s specific circumstances to offer any advice that would be useful. One thing I am unsure of is why she would want to approach the PP when the call came from the Bishop. If Erin’s Bishopric is allowing the Primary to influence callings, then that’s where the problem lies, and I can pretty much guarantee that the call was not inspired.
I also do not feel it is good practice to hold positions that deal with the Primary and Youth inviolable. I do believe that a ward should call the best people available to work with children, but not at the expense of the adults. After all, the ward is not ultimately responsible for the children, parents are, and the parents need to be strenthened and taught in their duties as well. I think one of the most effective ways a ward can positively influence children is by ensuring that parents are fellowshipped and are nourished by the word of God.
Generally speaking, I feel it is appropriate to discuss one’s callings with leadership at any and all times. One should not be afraid of being seen as a faithless whiner. The Lord will not send an angel to tell the Bishop about individual circumstances if the message only requires the member to speak up. Members of the Bishopric enjoy the right to inspiration and guidance for the ward, but that does not mean that they are aware of each member’s unique situation, nor that they fully appreciate the overall “pulse” of the ward.
If Erin’s Bishopric is allowing the Primary to influence callings, then that’s where the problem lies, and I can pretty much guarantee that the call was not inspired.
I disagree with this statement. Surely a Primary President is entitled to inspiration about who should be called to serve in the Primary.
It sounds like Erin believes it is a very bad thing to turn down a calling. If that is the case, then she may be more comfortable approaching another woman with her questions than approaching a priesthood leader. By all means, she should talk to someone.
I admire “Erin” for accepting the calling, and can really relate to her feelings of reluctance. I have had quite a few callings which, for various reasons, made me want to cut and run–fast!
I agree with the comment that it’s good to give the Bishopric as much info as possible; and for that reason, I see no harm in Erin and/or her Priesthood leader husband, humbly and prayerfully approaching one of the leaders to apprise them of her personal situation/struggle.
With this kind of approach, ending in assurance that if they then still desire us to take the calling, we will “do what you want me to do, dear Lord”, we are fulfilling our obligation to support and sustain the Lord’s servants in our part of the vineyard.
I have a very strong testimony that Church callings are one of the chief ways the Lord tests, stretches, strengthens and blesses us. Even if the call is not fully inspired, I believe that the Lord supports His less than perfect servants, and “makes all things work together for the good” of the faithful who fulfill their promise to sustain those servants.
It’s actually the callings I wished I could have turned down, but solidered on as best I could– often miserably, where at the end of the day I discovered some of the greatest personal blessings. The Lord truly honors those who are willing to exert faith, and sacrifice for His Kingdom.
Amira–
I’d sell at least a few of my children to be ordered to be in a library (even a lame one; I’d just bring my own books) instead of SS and RS 😉
Jim, you’re right the call is ultimately given through the Bishopric, but usually the names for the Primary workers are submitted by the Primary Pres. after prayerful consideration. The PP also has direct stewardship over the nusery and should therefore be aware of Erin’s situation so she can then offer as much support as possible, or if she feels it needs to be changed she can work with the Bishopric to do what they feel good about. Anyway, it makes perfect sense to me to have Erin discuss her situation with the PP.
I have had callings extended to me which I initially felt were impossible: being called to teach Sunbeams, “now that you’re 18” (I pointed out I was still 17 and still in Young Womens), being called to serve on the Enrichment Committee (I pointed out I had classes on the nights-in-question and would not be able to attend). I did, however, still express my willingness to serve. In each case the Bishopric was concerned enough to discuss and resolve these issues (and I presume, seek reconfirmation from the Lord) before getting back to me and “re-extending” the calling. I have to say I initially questioned the inspiration of these callings, but both turned out to be not only possible, but fulfilling, valuable, and precisely suited to me at the time.
My point is, I think Erin should unquestionably seek clarification/confirmation/support/etc. from the PP or the Bishopric. She need not march in to the bishop’s office and demand to be released, but simply expressing her concerns will take her halfway to resolving them (although I don’t know enough about her situation to recommend a specific solution).
I would encourage Erin to tell the bishopric that she would prefer a calling that didn’t isolate her from the other sisters. Nursery is one of the most isolating callings (Primary pianist being another) and is a terrible calling for a bishopric to extend someone new to the ward.
Having deliberated over hundreds of possible callings as a member of the bishopric, I would want Erin to share her concerns. To study it out in our own minds, we need to know the facts and concerns. That’s why we ask new members to fill out a form telling us a little about themselves — inspiration only accounts for part of the decision to extend a calling.
Julie-
It actually sounded pretty good to me too. 🙂 But I can see that if socializing is important at church that calling would be hard.
I agree that you should not just accept a calling right away. I really feel that you need to pray about it yourself, and feel that it was inspired for you. If not, then express those concerns to those who called you, and ask them to reconsider it. Make sure that it is inspired on both sides.
I just know that I serve better when I have the assurance that it is indeed a calling meant for me.
I got the “nursery call” when I moved into my present ward. Part of the problem in our ward was desperation. We have half the ward being more established families and the other half being a college complex that is extremely transitory. Further a lot of people there refuse calls.
That is very, very true.
The most irritating, of course, are people who get up in Fast & Testimony meeting and express the desire to be called to an organization and then turn down calls to it (thankfully not a trend in my current ward).
With any luck, the co-leader in the nursery will be a good match. That can really make a difference. Having taught Primary (including the 4 year-olds — twice), Nursery, etc., I must say that it was more rewarding than many other callings. But the lack of social contact can have an effect.
Wish I had a solution.
In my limited experience, priesthood leaders often overlook the difficulties involved in caring for a newborn, for both the mother and the father. Caring for one’s own child should be the top priority, in my opinion. If your friend is having problems running the nursery while taking care of her baby, she should definitely bring this to the attention of her bishop.
I do not for one minute believe that every calling is inspiration. I’ve been there and we often just put in people that were left over after everybody else was in something and we couldn’t get them. I don’t think anybody prays over the nursery. Which is an exaggeration, of course. A few people may care.
I think it’s a travesty that we put young mothers in the nursery. These women spend all week taking care of kids. If we must do that, there should be a rigid time limit or more shared responsibility.
I loved being in the nursery, and I had no babies at the time. I loved those little bodies, but it is isolating and makes it harder for the young mothers. I always wince when I hear one of their names being put up for sustaining. I do not raise my hand. I think we should put some of those high priests in there. They don’t do anything anyway. My husband would make a great nursery leader.
And Stephen, one of my biggest gripes is when people get up and fervently bear their testimony and I know they wouldn’t put themselves out for their fellow man if God Himself asked them. They do not do their visiting teaching. I just want to throw something.
Anne- I agree that it is a travesty about young mothers in nursery- they need a break. However, I would be sort of scared to hand my little girls over to any man who I don’t know exceptionally well for any period of time unsupervised. I know that I am unduly paranoid, but during these times you can’t really trust anyone- not even the kindly looking old high priest. If the nursery were staffed by such, no matter how kind they seemed, I would probably keep my kids out of nursery.
On the flip side, I am also super paranoid about even touching anyone else’s kids, because I would hate to be falsely accused of anything unseemly. I will not touch other people’s children unless they are right there watching me. When I was in nursery, this made things very difficult. I had to go ahead and touch other people’s children, but I always made the contact very short and only did it if I could be sure I was in view of another nursery worker. However, every Sunday for me in nursery was a holy terror of always looking over my shoulder to be sure someone was watching me so that I could never be accused of anything that I hadn’t done.
I was a fun nursery leader, and the kids liked me. But I was always having inner fits of trepidation anytime I had to touch another child or hold someone else’s crying toddler. I absolutely refused to accompany any of the children to the bathroom. In these times you can’t trust anyone, and they don’t trust you.
Thanks all, for some very wise ideas and sympathy.
One of the difficulties of Erin’s specific situation is that she doesn’t want to play up the newborn difficulty, because it was sympathy for her situation as a mother with a newborn that kept her from getting a calling for so long in the first place. Thus, she might state her concerns that doing this job with a baby would be hard, but that could be taken to mean that she’d rather not have a calling at all– which would not be much of an improvement.
Anyway, I hope Erin’s read all this wise counsel, and I know I’ve been illuminated by these ideas.
To me, the attitude reflected in the quote above is a huge problem. When did we as a church turn from truly voluntary service coupled with an emphasis on receiving personal affirmation of callings to service based on guilt, cajoling, etc. and a distorted view that the Bishop is always right? Based on various personal experiences, I believe that the Bishop does not always have sufficient information and that sometimes the Bishop makes mistakes. As a result, when asked to accept a calling, I consider the relevant facts and circumstances and prayerfully seek confirmation. Most of the time I accept the calling and faithfully serve or simply endure, but sometimes I decline the calling. Does this make me a “bad” church member? Not according to my conscience.
Not knowing Erin’s situation totally, I can’t respond to the details. I think the inspiration behind callings is there.
You seem to imply that Erin expect her calling to totally fulfill her? I would wonder what calling would fit Erin? ALthough I think callings can help us grow, and are inspired, they may not be inspired for us alone. Church membership has its blessings, but is not 100% spiritually inspiring 100% of the time.
I would echo the advice for Erin to get involved with others in the ward on a casual basis. At least here in our stake the young mothers get together on a regular basis, some groups more structured than others. In our ward they have a weekly midweek activity during the day, which allows some social events for those who stay at home. If there isn’t an activity like this in your ward/stake, perhaps you could ask the ward/stake RS to allow you to do this?
With all of the callings and structure in the church, I think we forget that there is still room for people to volunteer to do things. Going the extra mile can mean more than doing a little extra in our callings, it can be helping out scouts, doing activitation work with a neighbor, or organizing weekly trips to the park for the ward. In so doing we can our own needs and the needs of others around us.
Is a bishop ever really going to cop to a non-inspired call? “Let me check the list; yep, you were chosen by the first-counselor’s dart throw.”
I think we all recognize that bishops are just trying to do their best. Telling someone in the bishopric that you’d like a calling where you interact with a lot of people will probably get you just that calling.
Usually calls are inspired, but that doesn’t mean that the Lord told the bishop what to call you as. It more usually means the person with the keys (bishop, stake pres. EQ pres., whatever) was trying his best and had the idea of calling you, prayed about it, and still felt good about it. The Lord always gives us agency, even to those leading the church.
I’m actually not convinced nursery is an isolated calling. You generally have the parents coming in and out to drop of kids and can talk to them. I think I talked to far more people in nursery than I ever did in Priesthood or Sunday School. Maybe it’s just me. But it just isn’t natural talking to strangers in a class like environment. I think something more laid back or a setting where you actually have something to talk about (their kids) is more natural.
The downside wasn’t the “isolation” so much as the fact that people not in Priesthood don’t get told about announcements. It’s a problem with new babies as well since getting out of the house on time is a hit or miss phenomena. So you frequently miss opening announcements. And I don’t think I’m alone. Having people be informed about announcements is very difficult. I’d almost prefer if they did it at the end of church or put more announcements in the program.
We just got a new bishop and he’s doing something that is rather novel, I think. He’s going around and visiting all the families with his wife (on one night) and his counselors (on another night) and in the process is saying something like the following to the families he’s just beginning to get to know:
“I know we’re not supposed to seek callings… but I’d like to know what callings you’ve had in the past, what callings you’ve enjoyed most and least … and if you could pick a calling, what calling you would choose for yourself.”
This is a rough paraphrase really … but he opens up a possibility with people in the ward to talk about callings they’ve had and their personal strengths/interests. A lot of people quail and say “Oh, don’t ask me that.” But then they seem pretty content to give specific information. It’s been interesting to see and even clarify what people like about callings.
Too often I’ve seen negative effects on people of having callings that they really dislike doing. It isn’t possible to give everyone the calling they will enjoy most … but it is possible to at least get some input from individual ward members that can contribute to a better situation.
I have learned that it is difficult to understand the influence and power of priesthood keys. So often these discussions or a Bishop’s inspiration don’t mention that. But they are real and powerful, and I think we misunderestimate them to our loss. My own feeling is that you trust that your Bishop is inspired. I love the quote by J. Reuben Clark about taking one’s place in the calling to which one has been called–a place one neither seeks or declines. Elder Packer has taught that it is appropriate for a person to tell a Bishop about information he may not be privy to.
You might say this is just a clueless bishop giving an inappropriate calling, but who knows what hidden blessings or growth there might be for Erin–even if it is a refining thing.
When we lived in NYC, our kids were homeschooled owing to the physical danger in the local public school. My wife was then called as Primary President–the primary largely consisting of our children. As it was small branch, the presidency also taught the classes. That was a rough, rough year and a half for her. But I think she would tell you that it was important in her growth and that it ended up being a good thing.
Why, if a calling is hard, or inconvenient, people automatically assume that it must not be inspired.
I like the idea of the bishop asking what callings the members enjoy, and then using that information as part of the inspired decisionmaking process. I talked to my bishop a few weeks ago about the fact that I turned down a ward missionary calling. He asked what kind of calling I would enjoy and I told him I wanted to teach the Old Testament in Sunday School next year, and until then he could leave me in the nursery. He was delighted with the information, and thanked me about fourteen times. He didn’t say a word about the ward missionary calling being inspired, and expressed his concern that I not feel guilty about turning it down. All in all, it was a very pleasant conversation.
It’s so nice to be able to turn down a calling without going on a guilt trip. Maybe the priesthood is not in control of my life after all – I am. That’s a good feeling.
I’m currently at work and, though I hate doing this, will paraphrase a favorite quote from Joseph Smith, who said something like, “The Lord hasn’t revealed anything to Brother Joseph that he won’t reveal to anyone else in the church if they’ll adequately prepare themselves.” or something along those lines. If Erin’s real problem here is feeling like she “belongs” in the nursery, I think she has every right to ask God for herself and receive confirmation of that fact. If confirmation isn’t forthcoming, she can keep praying until she feels she’s received an answer. That being said, I think the common consensus that “callings are inspired but also have to do with logistics” comes into play. I think sometimes it doesn’t matter who the nursery leader is, and the Lord would be happy with any number of people. Sometimes, he might not even care. Other times, it might be vitally important. At any rate, I agree that Erin should feel absolutely free to discuss this with the Bishop, the Primary President, etc. in the hopes of helping her feel for herself that she’s in the right place.
Braden, You speak great wisdom.
My first M* post, btw.
In our ward, the Bishop has specifically chosen to exclude anyone who hasn’t been a member of the ward for at least one year from serving in the Primary, Cub Scouts, or Nursery. I agree with him, you really should get to know people before you put them in a position where they’ll be alone with children.
The nice side effect of that, though, is that the Brothers and Sisters fell better fellowshipped in the ward because of their Gospel Doctrine/EQ/HP/RS ties.
This Bishop has also promised nursery workers that they won’t be placed in “Outer Darkness, but With Goldfish Crackers” for more than 9 months at a time. He’s pretty sharp on keeping up with that too.
You know, one time I was the Merry Miss leader. I hated those girls. They popped their gum, fooled with their lip gloss, twirled their hair, swung their crossed legs, giggled, and treated each other like crap. Every time I went, I had to stop myself from slapping somebody. I did it for a few months and then the Primary presidency asked everybody how they felt about their callings. I was honest, and they put me in with the four year olds and everybody won.
I love that bishop who is going house to house. A really good way to get to know people.
And Richard, you are right, isn’t it a sad world? But if there are two in there at all times, that covers that, hopefully. You know, the two-way mirror (it’s about 3 feet by 8 feet) in the Presbyterian nursery would handle a lot of problems, too.
This posting hits close to home. Shortly after moving into a new ward, my wife was called to be nursery leader. She hesitated accepting the calling because our oldest was still in nursery and had difficulty adjusting to nursery, and our youngest was only 9 months old. She decided to explain her reservations to the counselor who extended the calling. She emphasized that she wanted a calling but felt that being in the nursery wasn’t right at the time. He was understanding and asked her to teach the 11 year old girls instead. She taught for about 14 months and was just recently called to be a nursery leader. In her situation, the calling was postponed for a few months, but the circumstances are now different and she enjoys being in the nursery.
We also have a wise bishop who has decided to call enough nursery leaders so that they are only in the nursery for one hour. That allows the leaders to attend either SS, RS, or priesthood meeting.
I have only turned down two callings in my life. The first because I was foolish, the second because the leadership didn’t understand my family situation. Was the second calling a mistake, or uninspired? I don’t think so. Without the conversation we had explaining why I couldn’t accept the calling, he would not have known the details of our circumstances. Once he learned that, he was better able to know what we could do within the church, and what the church could do for us.
It is so hard for me how anyone could hate their calling. Though I’m young, I’ve had several in my life and loved every single one of them. Currently, I’m in a student branch and I have three callings, but it’s an awesome blessing. I understand that sometimes leaders do not understand our situations, but I think that’s the exception more than the rule. It makes me very uncomfortable when people so strongly question the inspiration of their leaders. Everyone I know who’s done that has ended up apostatizing at some point, and that’s pretty scary to me.
I think it is great when leaders can get to know ward members so that they have as much information as possible when trying to think of who is needed in what calling.
Often young mothers feel they need a break from children at church. But, church is hard with babies even without a calling. And it doesn’t matter what calling you have….the baby may be hungry right when you have to teach. She should definitely discuss how to deal with the difficulties with her Primary Presidency. How available is her husband, what her babies schedule is, how the Primary Presidency can support her in her calling so she can fulfill it.
If she really “sticks it out” with a good attitude, she will probably eventually see some blessings. Perhaps getting to know the children will be a blessing since her children will be growing up with these kids. They may be strangers now, but she may begin to care about them and want to be their nursery leader. She should, of course, have a partner. This partner may become a friend.
I remember when my husband and I were called as nursery leaders. It was one of those times when I laughed uncontrollably at an inappropriate time. My husband was totally scared of kids and had barely even seen one, and I hadn’t been within 5 feet of a kid for 10 years.
It was great. We both really enjoyed it. And when they decided the nursery was too big and gave us another couple to assist, and that couple wanted to switch every other week we refused! I didn’t spend weeks and weeks with helping traumatized 18 month olds to then abandon them and have them not know who their teacher was. These toddlers needed teachers who they could count on to be there each week.
Anyway, I’ve never thought that sitting next to someone during a lesson made you friends. Working on something together is a far better way to get to know each other. I bet the calling will bring some blessings, perhaps ones she doesn’t yet see.
Eric–great comment.
#26- “Is a bishop ever really going to cop to a non-inspired call?â€
I had to give up my calling to be with my only son as he was dying. In the interim between his death and burial, the bishop dropped by and asked what calling I wanted. I told him I wanted to teach my daughter’s class. Instead, I was called to teach an all-boy’s class. During the second week I had a panic attack when the thought crossed my mind that these boys were going to be able to grow up, go on missions, marry, and raise families, whereas my son would not. I sucked it up and carried on.
It got worse as the weeks and months passed. It got so that I couldn’t sleep Saturday night. So, I thought I’d have a talk with the bishop. I explained the extreme emotional distress the calling was causing. He just sat and stared at me. After about three minutes (when I was bishop, I learned the importance of silence), I asked if the calling was inspired. I had already steeled myself to continue if the bishop said that it was inspired. “No, I put you in a calling that I would like to have.â€
Silly me. I thought that he might think that loosing a child would be significant enough that the Lord might be queried before extending a calling. We sat there for about five more minutes and then I left. The quote above is his entire part of the conversation.
I remained in that calling for several more months until someone in authority asked my wife how I liked the calling. She chose not to treat it as a rhetorical question and told them the truth.
The purpose of this troubled tale is not to rail on my bishop (that’s why I withheld my name), but rather to impress on those of you in positions of authority that it really is important to obtain the Lord’s input regarding callings.