Sure, this is a minor thing, but it can really make a difference. It can mean the difference between the lessons you teach going smoothly and the lessons being disrupted. I don’t mind the girls being late for church much because it doesn’t directly affect my schedule and plans (though half an hour late each week does baffle me), but when a teacher is late every week and seems oblivious, well… then I must complain about it within the bloggernacle.
I’m fairly obsessive about punctuality. I’m rarely late, and on those rare times, it causes extreme anxiety. My companion and I were almost two hours late to zone conference one time on my mission (we got very, very, very lost) and I about had a nervous breakdown. If I’m not certain how long it will take to get someplace, I’ll leave very early and bring a book. Actually, even if I do know how long it will take to get someplace, I’ll leave very early and bring a book. I tell you this so you can decide where to file this post in your mind — insane ramblings of a madwoman or advice to consider?
It drives me nuts when people I rely on are always late. I realize that things happen and occasional lateness can’t be helped. I’m sure everyone’s been lost at some point, traffic gets backed up, a child gets sick, aliens kidnap you (wait… that would probably be a bad excuse), or there was just too much planned for the day. Such is life. But persistent lateness calls for correction. If you are one of the perpetually unpunctual people, please find a way to be on time. Change your schedule. Wake up earlier. Accept that things will take longer than you currently think they will take, and allow for that longer length of time. Buy a watch.
Do you think the Lord was late to the creation? Or the resurrection? The answer could be yes, but I’d definitely be betting the answer is no. It’s simply a matter of respect for your fellow human beings. We’re relying on you.
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History of the Church, Vol 7, p. 456-458
Minutes of the first General Conference, which was ever held by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, in the House of the Lord in the City of Joseph, commencing on Monday, October 6th, 1845, ten o’clock forenoon.
The conference was opened with singing by the choir, and prayer by Elder Parley P. Pratt. Elder Willard Richards then arose and… stated, that the President had waited from half past nine to near eleven o’clock, for the people to get together; he exhorted the brethren to be more punctual, as so much time lost could not be recalled, and we have a great amount of business, which must necessarily be attended to during conference.
I love being on time for Sacrament Meeting, I have lots of kids, and beating all the other families with few or no kids leaves me feeling somehow morally superior.
Tiny of me I know… but I’ll repent later.
Aladdin: Princess Jasmine, you’re very…
Genie: Wonderful! Magnificent! Glorious!… Punctual!
Aladdin: Punctual!
Princess Jasmine: Punctual?
Genie: Sorry.
Aladdin: Uh… uh… beautiful!
Genie: Nice recovery.
Porter,
We could use a few more sinners like you in our ward 🙂
In the pre-existence I agreed to be late to everything to try the patience of all those who are on time.
Blogosphere = Rameumptum.
I hate being late. So I work hard at being on time and 99% of the time it works. However, Sunday mornings lately are tough because Kim is in meetings practically every Sunday, my children need baths (yes I know, bathe them the night before, but that only works for two of them, the other one needs a bath every morning), at least one needs to be goaded into actually GETTING dressed, the baby needs to be nursed and sometimes held almost the entire time and then the other one is a dawdler. We have to be there by 9 am. We only have one vehicle (choice and necessity) and so Kim has to come back and pick us up. Too many bags (diaper bag, purse, my binder and Friends for the children) to carry and I feel like a dowd these days.
Anyway, excuses, yes I know, but I see the reality now when some people are late SOMETIMES. True, consistent lateness is usually fixable, but I feel now for those who are struggling to get there on time. It isn’t always easy. And boy am I glad I am not a single mother and I honour and respect those who are, whether in reality or just a Church Single Mum.
Sometimes what is needed is a bit more understanding and compassion.
Punctuality was drilled into me by my mission president. If you showed up late for zone conference — even if you walked in during the opening hymn — you were sent directly home.
Since then I’ve come to understand that being habitually late is a character flaw. It shows that that person does not value the time of others.
Being occasionally late due to unforeseen circumstances is normal; being consistently late is inconsiderate.
When I was a little girl, my mom and grandma always complained about how late my dad was. On the day he married my stepmother, the grown-ups told me it was my job to make sure he got up at the right time, and actually walked out of the house at a different time, at which point he’d be handed over to the grown-ups until the ceremony began (the cermony was at 11am, we had orders to be there by 6:30am) Other members of the family are known to state that they’ll arrive by noon on one day, but don’t actually get to where they said they’d be till 6pm the following day. My mom, on the other hand, is like you, Tanya — a book in hand and half an hour early, every day.
I have both tendencies, so I set all the clocks in my life 5-25 minutes ahead of reality (and mix it up every few weeks, so I never know how much extra time I have,) and start having the panic attack if I’m not there before everyone else. Today I overslept and got to the church building 10 minutes before the opening hymn, and it took most of the next hour to calm down. When I was living on campus as a freshman, if I wasn’t going to get to class on time, I’d crawl into bed and cry instead of going (which was dumb, since half the class was either late or absent in every class.) To this day I won’t go into a Relief Society meeting if I’m going to be late, and my sister and I consider ourselves late for church if we haven’t left in enough time to be there 40 minutes before Sacrament starts.
I say try your best to be on time, and in the meantime, please don’t be surprised if it turns out we’ve told the entire group that something “starts” at 6:30 when really, it starts at 7:00, because we know that everyone actually shows up around 6:55 if we say 6:30…
(my sister’s seminary class “starts at 6:00” but actually starts at 6:10, and we’re preparing to make YSA family home evening “start at 7:00” but actually start at 7:30; the YSA and youth dances “start,” on average, 30-45 minutes before the time they actually expect anyone to show up. I bring homework to everything now, to make up for the sitting around time.)
Tanya:
I feel you on this one. I would rather be a half hour early than 30 seconds late every time. My wife is nearly opposite. Often on Sunday morning the boys and I are in the car chanting ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy’ until she finally comes out. Drives us both crazy sometimes.
Tanya, a bit of advice: never move to Latin America (or the capitol of Latin America, Miami). You will be driven to the loony bin. EVERYTHING starts late down here. Just one quick story: my wife is ward activities coordinator. She will deliberately tell members of the ward that an activity starts at 6:00 when it really starts at 7:00. People show up at least an hour late anyway. Nobody’s caught on so far — I hope nobody from my ward reads this blog!!!!
I’ve gotten used to it after living in Latin America and Miami for the last 20 years. I always show up on time and bring a good book or strike up conversations with people.
It’s worth pointing out that all of our stake meetings are an exception to the above and usually start right on time. Funny, everybody shows up on time for those events!
Eric #8: Oh, how I empathize.
My wife will spend an extra 10 minutes futzing with her hair (which looks perfectly fine to me) while the three kids and I are in the van, sitting in the driveway with the engine running. If the van had walls, I’d be climbing them.
I’m never early. I am late sometimes, but I hate it. So, I try to relax a little about things, rather than make myself miserable. I absolutely hate putting others out, but most of the time they aren’t waiting for me. Yesterday, I was late enough to mean someone had to “fill in” for me until I got there. But one of the main reasons I was late was my 2 year old was being adorable and doing Avatar: The Last Airbender martial arts (it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen) and I decided to get it on video camera. It was worth it, and I was proud of myself for not being snippy at my husband and children about us being late.
It sounds like I don’t care about being late! But I actually do, but I’m trying to change. I am trying to be a more “go with the flow” type of person.
Being late is just not worth ruining my marriage, browbeating my children, or feeling like I hate myself.
This week in SS the persistently-late teacher set a new record: She walked in 15 minutes after the lesson was supposed to begin. (She stopped aiming to attend Sacrament Meeting since she was always so late for it. Now she manages to be late to SS instead.)
Then she proceeded to set another record: The lesson went 15 minutes overtime. Beautiful… All of a sudden, I didn’t feel so bad about being four minutes late to Sacrament Meeting. Yeah, I know I should do better, after all it’s the most important meeting of the week. But it could be worse.
Thanks for this post, Tanya. IMO, punctuality really is an important trait to develop. Many years ago, I either read, or heard the following: “When you are late, the situation controls you; when you are early, you control the situation.” This made sense to me, and I changed the way I did some things so that I could usually arrive early for meetings.
In the early years of my husband’s business career, he used to rush to the airport at the last minute when he had a business trip. Bad traffic usually meant that he was very agitated at every traffic delay, and increasingly worried that he might end up missing his plane. At some point his father mentioned that when he traveled, he always left about half an hour early, and took a book along to read once he was seated at the gate. My husband immediately changed his travel routine, and found it made a huge difference in reducing his stress level.
You wisely said,†Accept that things will take longer than you currently think they will take, and allow for that longer length of time.” That is so true, and yet some of us tend to seriously underestimate how long it really takes to get out the door, get everyone belted in the car, and drive to the chapel. If we actually time those things, we can then add an appropriate number of extra minutes for taking care of last minute baby messes, finding lost shoes, hitting every light “redâ€, etc. It we don’t add some extra minutes, we only make to church on time when there are no last minute crises, and we hit every light “green!” Of course, this scenario only works when your children are young enough for you to control. Getting teenagers out the door at the time you have set is a whole different proposition! 🙂
#9, Geoff B, I too have lived in Latin America; and I have seen that the leadership of a ward or stake can really make a difference. You mentioned that your stake meetings start on time, and that is great. In places where the culture essentially smiles on arriving late, I have occasionally seen a ward, or even an entire stake, where members managed to develop the punctuality habit. Instead of 25% of the congregation arriving on time, it was closer to 85%.
I can fully sympathize with your wife, but telling people an incorrect earlier starting time can be a bit dicey. It could be seen as reinforcing the cultural predilection to justify being dishonest in order to please people and/or get what you want. Also, in my experience, people eventually catch on to the deception, and readjust their arrival time accordingly. 😉 I bet your wife can find a clever way to motivate your ward members to change their habits!
A personal example: When called as YW president in a Latin American ward many years ago, I was told that weekday Mutual was scheduled at 7:00 p.m., but since everyone arrived late, they usually couldn’t start until about 7:30 p.m. I convinced the YM president to help us change things. We put the word out that starting next week, we actually would start promptly at 7:00 p.m., and we did. As I recall there were only three of us there on time (some of the leaders were late, too!); but we had an opening hymn, prayer and announcements, and then stood in the foyer to direct the youth to their classes when they arrived. There were some very shocked leaders and youths that first night: “Opening exercises are OVER?!?†The word got around, and eventually almost everyone started arriving on time.
Unfortunately, I have also seen a very punctual U.S. ward (almost everyone in place a few minutes prior to the appointed time for Sacrament Meeting) change to one where the vast majority of the congregation arrived late–and this after just a few weeks of watching the new bishop always enter the chapel late, and noticing that the meeting never started before five minutes past the hour.
Some of us are perhaps too preoccupied with arriving early; some of us are chronically late; but I think most of us go with the flow. If our leaders make it clear (through words and actions) that they think it important to start and end meetings on time, we will usually try to follow their lead. If our leaders are habitually late, or seemingly heedless of scheduled times, we may cease to see punctuality as a priority, and become more and more lackadaisical and discourteous in our personal behavior.
I truly hope that in the Church we can strongly encourage punctuality, extolling its virtues as an ideal to aim for, while still always remaining compassionate (#5 Mary Seiver) towards those who, for whatever reason, often (or always) arrive late. 🙂
RoAnn – I love your example.
The problem with the built in buffer, (ie say 6:30 – actually 7), is that it annoys the people who do show up on time and reinforces the behavior of those who show up late.
My wife and I are horribly offended at these late comers, and probably need to be more Christlike, so we have been plagued with friends who are horrible at punctuality
My wife recently went to a baby shower that was to start at a certain time, the host delayed starting the party til “everyone got there”, which was an hour late. This latecomer then announced she had to leave “early” and left after 40 minutes.
We invited some friends for dinner. Thet lived on the other side of town, so we knew there was a chance they might run into unexpected traffic (in our town most of the traffic is unexpected) and would have a fair bit to drive anyway (25 miles or so). At the appointed hour we got a phone call, it was the friends saying they were just getting ready to leave! Meanwhile we had dinner that we had just put in.
I am pretty sure Christ would be on time, but would occasionally be late (to cross the road and help). I wonder what our response to the punctually challenged should be.
“And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.
And the angel of the Lord called to him out of heaven…”
I don’t think the Lord would be very happy with a lack of punctuality in His angels.
Jay #15, “I wonder what our response to the punctually challenged should be?”
That’s a great question to ask, and I hope Tanya and others will give their ideas.
Your question prompted me to deal with that concern at length with a post on my blog. I witnessed how one ward dealt compassionately with a wonderful sister who was beloved by all, despite being “punctually challenged.” It wasn’t easy. As much as possible, individuals made allowances for her. And, although meetings, activities, dinners–in short, any communal activity–always started without her, as far as I could tell, she received no reproach in word or look when she finally arrived. Everyone liked her, and enjoyed being around her.
I find it rather sad, however, that Sister X missed out on so many things, and experienced so much unnecessary stress. And that so many people were needlessly accommodating. Because being “punctually challenged†is not a real disability. It’s just a bad habit.
El Jefe #16 I guess that the angels assigned to those sorts of things are a lot farther along the pathway to perfection than most of us are. 🙂
I’ve appreciated everyone’s comments. I would comment more on your comments, but my comments would consist of, “Good point,” “I agree,” and “Thanks,” so I spare you.
I wanted to respond to the question about what our response should be to the punctuationally challenged (#15). The problem is that pulling someone aside and asking them to be less tardy would likely cause offense and hurt feelings (I would be mortified, but that could just be me) and probably not even solve the unpunctual issue. Patience is probably the only way to respond [with occassional venting on blogs ;-)]. We should start our meetings on time and, if the perpetually late person is an important part of the meeting, like the teacher, prepare ahead to find some appropriate way to fill the time waiting. If it is a big problem, releasing the person would not be out of the question. But still, patience seems like the only way to deal with it, and it doesn’t even deal directly with the problem, as that solution must come from the perpetually unpunctual person. Patience is sometimes painful (at least for non-patient people like me), but in so many things it is the only way to deal with an issue.
Sigh. Must be more patient…
Tanya,
I disagree that approaching the late person “would likely cause offense and hurt feelings.” It all depends on the way you approach them. First of all, the conversation should only be initiated by someone who is serving directly over or with the person (e.g. the S.S. pres. approaches a teacher). Then, he or she could simply say, for example, “That was a great lesson (okay, only if it’s sincere). I really appreciate your preparation for teaching each Sunday. I’ve noticed that it’s been difficult for you to make it here on time. Is there something I could do to help you get here a little earlier?”
Shannon,
Phrased in the way you put it, that “offer to help” sounds like it could well get results without offending too much. Sometimes, all it takes is tap on our shoulder (from a steel hand inside a velvet glove), to get us to make needed changes. 🙂