Some of you may have noticed that the new member of the First Presidency and the new Apostle are both follicly challenged. There are those of us who share this handicap who rejoice in the prominence of our high-foreheaded brethren. And one of the reasons is that women are lying when they say (and they always say this) that being bald does not mean you are less physically attractive.
Let me state right here for the record that I am bald. Yes, I have a huge, lustrous pate, nearly denuded, with a few stray strands of graying hair poking out like sagebrush in the desert. And let me point out that in the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter because I am very happily married, I have four wonderful children, a good job and everything I could ever want temporally. So this is not a “bitter bald guy” complaining that he’s gotten an unfair deal on his hair.
My point is simply this: bald people ARE less attractive than people with hair. And yet we are told all the time that it doesn’t matter whether or not we are bald. It is time for the lying to stop. Grossly fat people are less attractive than people who are not fat. And bald people are less attractive than people with hair.
Now, let me point out that an outgoing personality, being pleasant, having good manners, having an athletic build, being a spiritual person — all these things will compensate for being bald. Personally, I never found my baldness to get in the way of getting a date (when I was dating) because I made up for it with other qualities. But the vast majority of women, when looking at pictures of a man with hair and a bald man will obviously choose the man with hair as more attractive. Want proof? Go pick up any fashion magazine. When was the last time the majority of the models were bald? Yes, yes, every once in a while you’ll see one, and nobody doubts that Sean Connery and Bruce Willis (my heroes!) are sexy guys, but the reality is that the sexiest guys ALWAYS have lots of hair.
About 10 years ago, when my baldness really started becoming noticeable, I tried Rogaine. It worked like magic. Within two weeks, I started sprouting more hair. Within a month, people started commenting on my new, growing hair line. Only three problems: 1)My hands started swelling up to Shaquille O’Neal size. 2)It was expensive 3)I had an uneasy feeling that spending my disposable income on my vanity was simply not right. I felt like maybe I would end up like this guy, a drugstore cowboy roving the aisles hopped up on hair tonic.
Since then, I’ve stopped using Rogaine, and all my new hair quickly fell out. And I’ve reached a certain level of peace with my hair line.
Now, I keep my hair (the stuff that’s left above my ears) really short. I never have to comb my hair and don’t even own a brush or comb for myself. It’s nice to know I will never need to spend any money on hair products.
But what gets me is the lying, the bald-faced mendacity that women display all the time. How many times have I heard a woman say, “it doesn’t matter whether a man is bald or not?” Too many to count. I say, “Balderdash!” We all know it does matter. All things being equal, a man with hair is more attractive than a man without hair. Now, who’s willing to admit the truth? C’mon, be honest.