During my stay at the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah, the subject of a large group meeting dealt with the bearing of testimony to those we would teach. We discussed how to properly bear testimony devoid of “Mormonisms” like: “without a shadow of doubt” and “with every fiber of my being”. In short, we learned to bear a short, simple testimony that served to emphasize principles taught in the missionary lesson.
Later that evening we were privileged to hear from a member of the Quorum of the Twelve. Prior to the Apostle’s talk, his wife was invited to bear her testimony and share a few thoughts with the Elders and Sisters present.
Her testimony began simply enough with the usual phrases one might expect to hear. But when she employed the phrases “with every fiber of my being” and “without a shadow of a doubt” I had to bite my tongue…HARD!
Looking over at my companion and other members of my district, I noticed that they were also fighting back the laughter that swept over our once reverent countenances. Thankfully her remarks and testimony were indeed brief, sparing us the agony of further repetitions of the “Mormonisms” that tempted us with irreverent laughter.
What are some of your favorite “Mormonisms” you hear in testimonies, prayers and every day conversations at church?
“I don’t care, it doesn’t concern my salvation.”
1. ‘I, ‘so and so’, having been born of goodly parents…’ — but your parents probably beat you with sticks just like everyone else’s did to them!
2. Anything that talks like ‘Book of Mormon Heroes’ — not worth thinking about…
3. Anything long-winded in a testimony that in the end makes a simple point such as ‘I know that Joseph knelt in fervent prayer in the simple grove of trees some years ago and …’ blah blah blah, we know already!
4. ‘I want to thank ‘so and so’ for this, that, and the other’ — during a testimony — I am sure ‘I don’t care, it doesn’t concern my salvation, please move on!’.
This church is ripe with some really dumb cliches!!
While I support thoughtful consideration and debate, I think that this topic is a bit too nitpicky. For many, especially those who are not natural or comfortable public speakers, these “mormonism” provide a way for them to express their testimony. And I know missionaries are for the most part teenage boys, but that story is appalling. Did anyone give consideration that the sister might be sharing her true testimony and just forgive a bit the use of those phrases?
Those who choose to bear their testimonies without the spirit are much more of a concern to me.
Not all Mormonisms are bad. The main reason these are discouraged in the MTC is they do not translate well into other languages, not because they are in some way wrong. Considering them wrong is a stupidism.
Anyway,
The Word Testimony itself is a mormonism. “I’d like to bear My Testimony…” “I Testify to you that…” These are very unclear in other cultures and settings.
I just have to share this story from years ago. It was during mine sojurn at BYU in a BYU ward fast and testimony meeting. A young sister in our ward got up to share her testimony and quickly began to cry profusely. She recounted how she was so homesick when she first arrived at BYU. She then talked about how her roommates made her feel welcome and ended with a most memorable phrase. She said “I love this Lord with all my heart and I am so grateful to be here at BYU. I know that my roommates are true. In the name of……”
We probably had just as much difficulty in suppressing our laughter as you did.
Matt,
You’re right, translating some of the “Mormonisms” into another language can be problematic. I had a hard enough time trying to help my first companion understand that I was looking for cereal on our first shopping trip.
csanto,
My intent was not to criticize this woman’s choice of words, nor to belittle her testimony.
I hope you’ll forgive the sisters in my district who also fought back the laughter and tears that night. I’m sure they were just laughing at the teenage boys sitting next to them.
I know that the Book of Mormon is Blue,
I know Gordon B. Hinckley Lives today,
I have a Testimony of Death…
On the one hand, I can tell you that as a convert one of the strangest things about joining the Church were the number of Mormonisms one encounters. I thought the prayers were programmatic and not heartfelt. I remember feeling there was a certain rhythm to the way people gave their talks and their testimonies that I found false. The phrases like “eternal progress” and “holding onto the iron rod” were just plain weird. It was like learning a new language.
On the other hand, over time I have learned that phrases like this are repeated for a reason. For example, think about how many phrases from Isaiah made their way into Jesus’ speech. Was it because Jesus was filled with “Isaiah-isms” or was it because this is a teaching tool — to use certain phrases to call up ideas and feelings. I still think many Mormonisms are weird, but I also think some of them are there for a reason: to be used as teaching tools.
I also think we should consider the possibility that some people are just not as articulate and well-spoken as other people. They speak a certain way — and appear to be programmatic and trite — because they simply don’t have any other words for expressing their feelings. I think we have to have enough charity to recognize this.
Well one place you won’t hear a lot of mormonisms is in west Salt Lake. We lived there for a few years and our first Sunday at church was fast Sunday. Here’s some of the spice and variety we heard (and I’m absolutely not kidding):
-“If I had only known what marriage would entail, I would have left my wife at the altar.”
-“Maybe some of you are aware that DCS came and took my kids away last month. Well the person who is responsible for this is here today and SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS.”
-“Bringing my husband’s body home (from croaking on a road trip) wasn’t as lonely as you think it would be. His spirit sat beside me in the passenger seat. I could hear it wisp over the seat when we got in and out of the van.”
If you ever get tired of mormonisms or run of the mill thank-imonies, my-life-is-so-horrible-imonies, I’m-more-righteous-than-you-imonies- come on over to the West Side and sit in on a Testimony meeting!
Tossman, you remind me of a Testimony meeting I went to in East Texas where I could not help but laugh as sincere Testimony after Sincere Testimony was born about how the old car or old tractor was having engine problems, so a prayer was offered and the car was able to run to get them where they needed to go… The Stories were sweet and sincere, and the parking lot bore it’s own testimony of the truth of their words that day…
Matt W, I had my own car experience last week. No kidding, the car died just as I was pulling into my driveway. Of course, I’m not sure this warrants a visit to the podium on Fast Sunday. It did, however, warrant a trip to Auto Zone for a new battery, spark plugs and ignition cables.
One of my favorite “Mormonisms” is when children say they want to “bury their testimonies”.
Speaking of children, I think the most sincere and innocent testimony you’ll ever hear is from a child. I think we would learn a lot about what a testimony is by taking time to listen to a child bear their testimony. Whenever I see a child get up in sacrament meeting and bear their testimony I always try to make sure and listen. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to that pulpit and see all those people staring at you. Sometimes I think the children have more courage then some of the adults. This is part of why Christ asks us to become like little children.
It’s probably just a Tongan-Saint Mormonism, but many of them when speaking in English (in New Zealand wards) will refer to “President Monsoon”.
I’m sure I’d say funny things like that if I were speaking in Tongan….
Aaron,
While I have no doubt that a child’s testimony is sincere, I would like to ask…
Sincerely what?
Some cultural “Mormonisms” that I still have a hard time with even though I have been a member for 8 years is when certain people expect me to know where or what American Fork is, or care about Weber State College’s Institute program, or Know what school is in Saint George, or any of those little things.
My wife’s big pet peeve is that Utahn women all have the wimpy little mouse voice and can’t seem to pronounce the letter t in the middle of words…
My nine year old just gave her talk in Sacrement meeting for the Primary Program. She told about the apostacy lasting until Joseph Smith prayed in the “forest” to know which church was true. I get a kick out of the fact that she DOESN’T say grove because what kind of kid goes around referring to places as a “grove” anyway?
#12
Agreed that the testimonies from children are pure and innocent…but one pet peave of mine is when a young mother takes their 3 year old up to the mic and parrots in their ear what to say…down to I know that “xyz is true.”
If you can’t articulate your own testimony that’s fine…just wait a few years until you can by yourself.
“Mormonisms” function as a kind of representation via a reference to other famous sermons or figures. Thus the “with every fiber of my being” is a reference to the bearing of testimony by various GAs. I found several although it goes back quite some time, such as this quote from Joseph F. Smith.
Say what you will about that, but to me it’s pretty powerful rhetoric. When someone has a strong feeling it’s natural to connect yourself to better expressions of your feeling. The way everyone used to quote classic Greek texts or Shakespeare. It’s a tendency that has been lost as we’ve lost our classic education.
The downside is that all too often such “quotes” merely trivialize things. Sort of the way when someone quotes a poem or hymn to try to convey their feelings. As often as not it just doesn’t work rhetorically. But I personally think we, as Mormons, are way too hard on people bearing testimonies. It’s the attempt to give words for what we have no words for. What’s amazing to me isn’t how many express themselves poorly in trying to communicate the uncommunicatable but how often we still understand.
It might be possible that the phrase “every fiber of my being” was a phrase assimiliated by the church from the early British converts. I was surprised when I moved to the UK to discover that the phrase is still in relatively common usuage amongst the general populace (although of course here it is spelled “fibre”).
… when people close a testimony (speaking to the congregation) with “In the name of *thy* son, Jesus Christ, Amen.”
#5 “I know that my roommates are true” reminds me of when I was in a meeting of the LDS branch at the State (mental) Hospital in Provo. The congregation was a mix of patients and visitors and it was difficult sometimes to tell immediately which was speaking. One person cleared it up by saying, “The Church is true, as far as it is translated correctly.”
However, this seems deeper the more I’ve pondered it.
The funniest testimony I’ve ever heard about (I heard directly from someone who was there) was a confession to the congregation.
A new member stood at the podium and indicated he had to confess he had committed adultery with the relief society president. I would have paid lots of money to see her face at that point. It turns out that he was actually saying he had committed adultery in his heart because he had impure thoughts and had recently read the verse, whoso looketh upon a woman with lust hath committed adultery in his heart. Being nervous and contrite had created the funniest misunderstanding I’ve ever heard of. I know the Bishop of the ward and I’ll try to find the exact words the guy used.
#17 Razorfish, So true.
In one ward I was in, a mother was doing just that, whispering in her young daughters ear (she was about 3 or 4) When she came to saying; “I love my mommy and daddy, my sister —– and my brother ——.” The little girl stoped at the end and said very loudly “NO, MY BROTHER IS A POO POO HEAD!”.
Myself, along with most of the ward could not hold back the laughter not just for what the little girl said but also for the look on her mother’s face! Priceless!
I was visiting a ward during F&T meeting, and a member read a letter to the ward about how she was offended and wasn’t coming back, and then she walked out.
I am a convert, but I was about 8 when we went to the temple so as far as my memory serves I feel like I was born in the church. I baptized my wife however, and she’s only been a member for about 4 years. I never thought much about “mormonisms” until I read that article but when you think about it there are a ton of them. I bet she had a hard time getting used to the lingo.
In our home ward back in Oregon a father came up to help his 5 year old bear a testimony. He did tell him what to say but I had to laugh when he the son said, “I love my mom and dad.” Then he whispered in his ear and the child innocently said, “Especially Dad…”. Had a hard time containing myself on that one.