I’ve been intrigued by the recent spat of creativity on the bloggernacle (see here and here), so I thought I’d try out the fad at M* too. Ten points to the person who can correctly identify what work of contemporary short fiction I’ve ripped off. And ten more points to anyone who wants to say anything about it.
THROW away those embarrassing old clothes; wake up at 7 a.m., you don’t want to get used to being lazy, do you?; don’t eat your roommate’s food; don’t spend money on stupid things and while you’re at it, don’t do stupid things that end up costing you money; work harder; be nicer;
go to all of your church activities—you never know when you’ll meet your husband; put in an honest day’s work for an honest day’s wage; try to look as respectable as other girls your age; wash your clothes every two weeks or you’ll have to start wearing your old garments with holes in them; work harder; why do you always do the same boring thing with your hair, you’ll never get married looking like that; don’t walk around the house without a shirt on; don’t let the door slam behind you, it’ll annoy the neighbors; don’t talk too loudly, it’ll annoy your roommates; don’t waste time; look at those beautiful clouds, aren’t you lucky to be living out here?; be more responsible; read your scriptures every day, not just Monday Tuesday Sunday; set your visiting teaching appointments before the last week in the month, you’re the Visiting Teaching Coordinator for crying out loud; don’t be judgmental of your roommates; be nicer; why do you always fall asleep in the afternoons? Do you really think you have time to waste?; don’t ride your bike through the pedestrian tunnel, that’s breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law; don’t let your mind wander while saying your prayers; don’t fall asleep while saying your prayers, think about how that makes Heavenly Father feel; but I don’t think Heavenly Father notices that much; be happy and cheerful; stop dwelling on the past, it never would have worked out anyway; soak stains in cold water right away, especially if it’s a blueberry stain on your roommate’s new blouse from Brazil and even then it might be too late; don’t be so impatient; don’t say stupid things; buy some new soap that works better, you shouldn’t still be breaking out when you’re almost 27; work harder; stop eating so much sugar, it turns your teeth yellow and ruins your metabolism; be nice to your roommates, they’ve had hard days also; work harder; flirt a little more, how are the boys going to know you like them if you never talk to them?; don’t fall asleep in the afternoon, you won’t even know what tired is till you have babies; but what if I never have babies?; you mean to say that after all you are really going to be the kind of woman that never gets married?