Mormon Face

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John Roberts is a Mormon.

How could he not be? Compare that face with the following:

Not only is he a Mormon, but I’m pretty sure he’s a General Authority– probably Presidency of the Seventy.

Now before you get offended, no, I don’t think any handsome person necessarily looks like a Mormon. For example, this guy is probably not Mormon, despite some arguable good looks:
.

And no, it’s not just being clean cut that does it either. This guy

and this guy

definitely don’t have the vibe.

Updated: Also, you don’t have to have Mormon face to be Mormon. Like these two, for example.

But John Roberts? No question. Good pioneer stock if you ask me. Probably descended from a Wilford Woodruff baptism, based on the smile and setting of the eyes.

Two questions:

1. How does his super-secret Mormonism hurt his chances in the hearings today? (Remember, Orrin Hatch is there, and may be in the know.)

2. Who are your Mormon face candidates?*

*Because there’s no way to upload images into comments (that I know of), please provide a link to a photo of your Mormon face picks. Winner will receive kudos. The kind that are verbal, not the candy bar.

50 thoughts on “Mormon Face”

  5. Most of us cobloggers have photos up, Ryan Bell. Use your new photo skills and tell us which ones are really Mormon and which are wolves in sheep’s clothing.

  7. Elisabeth, I believe that he is Mormon. But I certainly don’t believe he has been called to the Quorum of the Mormon Face. Sorry– throw him in the Harry Reid/Shawn Bradley pile.

    Adam: Matt and Ben totally have Mormon face, in my estimation. The rest of us are mostly pretenders, as far as I can tell, with you being the leading candidate for Anglican-landed-gentry-soon-to-be-introduced-to-Heber-C-Kimball face.

  9. Anne, how dare you suggest that one of the Brethren (super-secret though he may be) drinks caffeine. We have commenting standards around here, you know.

    Lol on the Clinton face. Those eye-bags are just so invitingly rascally.

  13. Ryan, you are definitely in trouble now. I told you we shouldn’t have invited any women on this blog. If you do, you only end up with people noticing gender bias.

  15. Elisabeth: “So only men have Mormon faces?”

    Errr… no, not exactly. It’s just that the identification of female Mormon face is a very complex task to which I am not well suited, as it involves deconstruction of coiffure, toilet, and wardrobe as much as it does the structure of the face itself. Clearly, this is an undertaking to be left to the experts- such as you and our other female commenters. But here’s a start.

    Geoff, Number 11: That face is neither a Mormon or Pagan face. To me it seems to transcend any label or categorization. Mostly I’d just call it “classic.” (Pagan, on the other hand, is well exemplified here — note the Ceasar hair style and megalomaniacal grin)

  16. I think that you are projecting. Those are all senior partner in law firm faces. Nothing particularly Mormon about them. Marion G. Romney had the quintessential Mormon face. Start from there and we’re clicking….

  17. Okay, I’m trying to make a list to help me in my nominations:
    1) Clean-cut/shaven
    2) Super happy smile (notice that teeth do not necessarily need to show)
    3) Naive/Fresh/Awake Eyes (the picture of Steve shows him squinty in the sun, so that’s excused)
    4) Hair parted on one side of head / comb-over
    5) Neck ties help

    What about this John Roberts?
    His wider-spread eyes enhance his raised eyebrows… and I just love that ONE piece of hair sticking up…..

  18. You’re on to something. On the radio this morning, I heard Roberts’ voice for the first time. He sounded just like speaker in General Conference. It was astonishing to hear “that voice” separate from its usual setting and content.

  19. Kimball, that confounded scoundrel! I’ll teach him his place, sir. I’ll horsewhip him, sir. Now off to read the Book of Common Prayer.

    I agree with Matt and Ben (though I don’t think Ben makes it into the Quorum of Mormon Faces. Sorry, Ben). But you sell yourself short. If your photo were less high-gloss you’d qualify.

  20. anne, I don’t know how to say this without seeming to mock that John Roberts guy, but man, I have never laughed so hard at anything posted in the Bloggernacle. Dont’ know why it’s so funny, but wow, my eyes are full of tears right now.

    Yes, Adam, I agree. I’ve been meaning to find a lower-gloss photo for a long time now, but I don’t have the means of digitizing any existing pics. Sort of ashamed to have such a gaudy, glamour shot photo on a blog bio. I save that one for my modeling auditions.

  22. And thus we discover the source of Pres. Benson’s obsessive anti-communism: he was trying to evade notice of his service as the Soviet Premier.

    Ryan, you’re soooo right about Roberts. That’s actually the first thought I had about him when I saw a picture of him. And he’s totally a 70. You can’t quite place his name, but you recognize the face. He gives solid conference talks every few years, always referring to the place where he’s currently serving in the Area Presidency (“Hola. I bring you the greetings of the lovely Saints in Bolivia. . . . .One faithful sister, Hermana Gutierrez, sold her firstborn so that she could attend the temple dedication.”)

  25. Davis…nice sacrifice joke…rofl.
    Elisabeth: What, you haven’t heard what they say about how polygamous wives look? oops, sorry, wrong church.

  30. 2. Who are your Mormon face candidates?*

    Monte Solberg, M.P. of Medicine Hat/Alberta…

    Have a look at this mug! Is that a Mormon face or what?

    Confused me to no end when he took a trip to Salt Lake a while back.
    Lots of Mormons in Alberta….
    Wish I knew! Not many politicians have that kind of face, either!

    Great post!

  32. yikes.
    I hope hes not somethign else, and is getting tagged LDS becasue of this thread. although that would be pretty funny.

  33. #32

    –He’s Catholic, IIRC. K.J. Lopez over at National Review was just joking (she makes a lot of Mormon references over there because, despite her Catholocism, she’s head over heels in love with Mitt Romney).

  34. Nah, you guys have got it all wrong. Joe Biden surely has a Mormon face….at least if you give him a chance to argue his case, given the hair transplant and all.

  36. Get some old CBS news footage from summer of 1969–interview with Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong, of Somewhere, Ohio, just after son Neil went for a walk on the moon.

    “What were your thoughts, Mrs. Armstrong?”

    “All I could think was ‘Praise God from whom all blessings flow.”

    “Mr. Armstrong?”

    “[Nothing memorable]”

    My Dad: “She definitely could be a Mormon. Not him, though.”

    So, add to the face the words.

    Roberts surely has the diction, the tone, the inflections. Give his the right text, and he’d be at the Conference Center pulpit in a few weeks.

  38. C Legacy: What’s your point? That the Church is like the Lochner Court? That the Lochner Court deserved to be jailed? Not following you.

  42. The best Mormon face story I’ve ever heard:

    A certain member of the 70, now departed, was at an area training meeting near Washington, D.C. in the late 1980’s. After two days of meetings with nearly 100 stake presidents, he went to Dulles Airport to catch a flight home. Walking through the terminal he saw a familiar face. He tried his best to remember a name for the man, who he thought had been at the training meeting, but he couldn’t.

    So, he did the next best thing. We went up, shook his hand, and said “Hello, President.”

    The man scowled at him. He wasn’t a stake president. He was Gary Hart.

  43. Is this a joke? I’m assuming it is. If you all really believe this stuff you need to start watching South Park or something. Just reassure me that you all do not take this seriously.

    Marty J.

  46. I remember when BCC got it’s first (of many) NRO links. This is sooooo last year…

    Aaron B

  48. I’m glad someone else thought that. As soon as I saw Roberts I thought, ‘boy, that guy looks like he’s a Mormon!’ No joke.

  49. not only does he look Mormon, but if you ask me he looks a lot like one of our recent additions to the quorum of the twelve.

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