Getting married usually means doubling one’s family. And depite one’s best intentions, after a few years, one finds that yes, the in-laws actually have become one’s family. So now I have two families, to whom I’m tied with bonds of equal strength and affection. It’s a great situation for drawing conclusions about the various ways that families can be their own kind of good.
After analyzing the relative strengths and weaknesses of our families, I’ve recently realized that we have one Melchizedek family, and one Aaronic family. And I’ve also realized that we value them exactly the same, in the unique roles they play in our lives.
When I need advice about money, or buying life insurance, or a mortgage, or a sprinkler system, I ask my father in law. When we have casual babysitting needs, or want some low-key assistance with any of a whole host of little errands or tasks, we call Macy’s mom. Macy’s sisters also fill in with numerous little helpful tasks, and we try to do the same for them. Our service to each other is a day to day kind of service, focusing on the mundane and temporal. The advantage to this kind of service is its frequency– because Macy’s family relies on each other for small things, there are constant contacts, down to the daily phone calls she makes to different siblings asking them to pick up this or that item for her while they’re at this or that store (they seem to be at this or that store a lot. I just assume they must work there).
When I need a blessing, or spiritual counsel about life, or a deep chat about a newly discovered gospel principle, I dial up my family. There have been several moments in my life in which I’ve needed urgent care of this type, and even more moments when the need has been less urgent, but still deeply felt. Each time, my mom and dad, or a brother or sister have been there. My family is very well equipped to deliver prayer, fasts, and faith and wisdom for gaining miracles. While the need for this kind of service is less frequent, it has the advantage of speaking to the very deepest needs we have. Few can forget those who offer service of the spiritual kind, and when your family is doing this kind of thing routinely, it creates a special feeling between its members.
Those of you who are married may relate to the kind of vacillating between families that many go through in the early stages of marriage. At first, you both become convinced that one family’s got it right, and the other one looks weird, or lazy, or any of a million other unsavory things. Then, as you grow a little, you burn out on the peculiar gifts of your favored family, and come to see the beauty of being just like the other family. Macy and I have both bounced around like this, until, a year or two ago, we both realized that the competition was irrelevant, and that we both have extraordinary families, who love and care for us as well as anyone could.
So now I’m content to have one Melchizedek family and one Aaronic family. It would be impossible to say who renders the better service– something like comparing one’s home teachers with one’s stake president. For me, though, its another course in the same lesson I’ve been learning all my adult life– that there’s no single right way to live the gospel, and that the Lord accepts each person’s offering in the light of that person’s whole identity. And I guess that means that so should we.
At first, you both become convinced that one family’s got it right, and the other one looks weird, or lazy, or any of a million other unsavory things.
Oddly enough, my family and Michele’s mesh perfectly. If you lined all of them up and rated them by a set of arbitrary and subjective criteria, she and I would probably be the most dissimilar of the combined set.
And I think that, if we ever divorced, her family and mine would argue over which gets to keep her.
I wonder at your usage of these terms. Isn’t there an implied heirarchy there?
I wonder why you make your in-laws do all the dirty work and let your family do all the cool stuff–like deep talks/counsel etc. I mean do you really love them equally when your in-laws are only around to take out the trash.
Granted I never loved my little sister more than when she was running errands at my behest.
You mean something suggesting the superiority of the Melchizedek over the Aaronic? I don’t think so.
There’s no doubt that the analogy only goes so far, given that the Melchizedek is simply a higher Priesthood. But as I’ve tried to use the metaphor, the Priesthoods stand for separate functions of equal importance. The Melchizedek Priesthood focuses on the spiritual and eternal needs, and the Aaronic focuses on immediate temporal needs.
Again, take the comparison of the home teacher and stake president. Yes, the latter is ‘higher.’ But we’re often told that no service is more important than that of the home teacher. In other words, service that focuses on immediate physical needs (a la that of the bishop or presiding bishopric) is very important, and not to be derided in comparison with Melchizedek-type service.
H.L., I do mean it seriously when I say I think the service rendered is equal. Because Macy has a different kind of relationship with her family than I do with mine, they are in our lives with a much greater frequency that my family is. They way they are set up, they will call each other for help with basically anything. Given a comparison between almost daily service on a minute level, and a more spiritual level service every few months, I can’t honestly say which is more valuable.
Ryan, I think it’s great that you and Macy have come to understand and appreciate the differences between your families in a relatively short amount of time. I think we generally expect ourselves and those around us to be kind and non-judgmental except when it comes to in-laws. There’s kind of a big huge exemption there and perfectly nice people can get away with being downright mean.
Very nice, interesting explanation, Ryan. I think you’re on to something. And I totally agree with Andrea. We often need to do better at applying the Gospel to our in-laws relationships!