Newsday is printing a column in which the columnist says the groom’s mother should not serve alcohol at her recent convert son’s reception. The mother seems pretty bothered by her son’s request.
What say you, Mormon minions?
(HT: BCC)
Here’s the link: http://www.newsday.com/news/columnists/chi-mxaamy0201feb01,0,7598847.column
Here’s my take: people often forget that weddings are not about the fathers and mothers and sisters and cousins and aunts and uncles. Weddings are about the couple. So, whatever the couple wants is what should get precedence, and in this case the couple wants a reception without alcohol, so no alcohol. I say this as a former drinker who is well aware that most of the world believes wedding receptions are places where you enjoy some adult beverages. I predict a lot of bored and bothered in-laws at this particular wedding. But, once again, the wedding is not about them, it is about the couple that is getting married. Some people need to be reminded of that sometimes.
Sorry that I cannot link the Newsday article. Our software strikes again!
We didn’t serve alcohol at our reception and none of our non-member relatives and friends seemed to mind.
I’m torn on this one. I can understand how the groom feels about the alcohol and I respect his request.
My wife is a convert alcohol was consumed at our wedding reception by those not of our faith. We keep a bottle of chardonnay in our fridge for my wife’s parents so they can enjoy wine when they come over for dinner.
I think the answer Amy provides is the right answer for this situation, especially since the event is to honor the bride and groom.
Wow, after reading Dan’s response, I feel like such a liberal Mormon. 🙂
I think Amy’s right. I’m surprised at that; most advice columnists (especially on the internet) are so far to the left I just stopped reading them period. I’m glad to see that the mom seems to have been seeking understanding more than permission. I like Amy’s points about the wedding meaning more to the bride and groom than the partying afterwards. I hope that is the case; we need more people like that, imho. 🙂
haha Brian, remember, according to Harold B. Lee, there are two types of liberals in Mormondom. One is a political liberal, and the other is a theological liberal. 😉
I think it really depends on where the reception is being held. If it’s at a stake center or the bride’s house, I can see why they wouldn’t have alcohol. If it’s at a hotel, however, if the guests want to have a few drinks, I’m sure they can just go down to the hotel bar.
That being said, I think that the families should always respect the wishes of the married couple. It’s their party and they can cry if they want to.
I suppose it is up to whoever is hosting the reception. Doesn’t seem like good hosting, though, to make the guests of honor wish they were somewhere else.
Ms Manners makes the comment that funerals are not for fighting at, that is why we have weddings. This seems a prime example.
Wait — the wedding reception isn’t for the mom? I think that’s the most controversial part of the post!
If weddings are just for the couple, then why bother inviting anyone at all? They are assuredly mostly for the couple, but certainly not entirely. They are supposed to be a celebration not only of these two people, but also the family and friends who made them who they are and helped bring them to this point. There wouldn’t even be a wedding if the parents hadn’t brought the children into the world.
I am a convert and we had wine and champagne at my wedding. With everything my parents had done for me, both growing up, and specifically in paying for and planning the wedding, it would have been quite the snub to deny them this one request. Add to this that I asked them to respect the fact that they could not even see me get married, and I felt fine respecting their wish to have alcohol.
Finally, there is nothing inherently evil about alcohol. Jesus drank it. Joseph Smith drank it. We currently abstain simply because God has asked us to. So I don’t think the presence of alcohol would sully the occasion in any way.
Completely unreasonable of the mother. Should an Orthodox Jewish couple provide pork and ham at their wedding for non-Jews? Of course not. Neither would anyone in their right mind insist so. Same concept applies here.
I’m with #10. While I think the bride and groom should be able to do whatever they wish (ie. no alcohol if they choose, as I would), the reception is primarily for everyone else. If I’d had my way, we wouldn’t have had one, but there’s all this family, friends, acquaintances, parents work friends, etc. The bride and groom are stuck in uncomfortable clothes in a line while everyone ELSE has a good time. I wasn’t even able to sample the food at our reception 🙂
I like AH’s analogy (#12). Amy was right on; this is a celebration of the couple’s union. What’s the big deal about not having booze at the wedding anyway? Is it being suggested guests can’t fully share in the couple’s union if there’s no anesthetic to get them through the day? Look I was raised Catholic and now a pretty liberal Mormon. I just think this is one battle not worth fussing over.
As a Mormon and non-drinker all my life, I don’t get why people assume that you can’t have fun without alcohol. It’s a pretty sad state of the world that the only way people can enjoy themselves is with mind altering drugs.
For months after my wedding, almost every member of my extended family (none of which are members), came up to me and said that they had more fun at it than at any of the other family weddings because it wasn’t just a room full of people getting drunk. And that is comparing my under three thousand dollar wedding to weddings that cost up to half a million dollars.
Sorry, but I beg to differ when anyone says that the wedding is about the couple. Not even close. Most guys I talk with agree, it’s all about the Bride…
MRKH
I agree with those who question why alcohol is necessary at a wedding at all — Mormon or not.
But then, even my non-member relatives look at alcohol consumption in terms of “all right, we had better start drinking wine, it’ll help our hearts… I wonder how many ounces are necessary?” I guess I’m just not sure what to think when someone says “I feel very strongly that it’s not fair to expect people to attend a reception and tell them they can’t drink.” I mean, wow.
And boring is in the eye of the beholder. I think drunk people are pretty boring, especially in large numbers.
Who’s paying for the reception? In the end, it’s their call.
(As a follow-on to my #19 – if my daughter’s future in-laws were not members and wanted alcohol at the wedding reception of their son and my daughter, I might let them provide it, if they wanted to fund it themselves. That might not be considered good form, but that’s not my problem.)
qeuno has it wrapped up. Who’s party is it and who is paying? There is no further need for discussion. Of course the bride and groom can refuse to show up if they prefer no alchohol and frankly I hope they would draw such a line in the sand.
I entertain in my home but there is no drinking and no smoking, no coffee and no tea.
actualy reception. However, if most or even half of the guests are
non-members I think it would be very gracious to provide some alcohol.
Most people who drink are not actually drunkards (no, honestly). And
outside of Mormondom, champagne is every bit as “traditional” at a
wedding reception as the wedding cake is. So if guests expect champagne
it’s not neceassrily because they’re looking to get wasted.
A lot of these guests may be coming from out of town; they’ve paid for
their own travel and perhaps bought the couple a nice gift. The
reception is a “thank you” for all of that, and I think, again, a
gracious couple would be happy to oblige their tastes (within reason,
of course, and champagne is within reason).
That said, it is of course the couple’s ultimate call.