With sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss.
Saturday is our ward Christmas party and what, oh what, do you think is the main dish on the menu?
Steak?
Nope, try again.
Chicken?
Wrong, yet again.
Pork?
You’re getting warmer…
Ham?
Yes, of course! It’s a Mormon party and paid for with tithing funds.
But what about the Elder’s quorum social where they served steaks, you ask? Well, the Elder’s quorum president has been appropriately chastised for the misappropriation of tithing funds and for malfeasence in office. I can assure you that such a thing will NEVER, EVER happen again. 🙂
So what is it with Mormons and ham?
Does it just go better with the red punch and green jello?
Is it becuase of the potatoes au gratin?
Is it the liturgical calendar and this is the year of the ham?
Since I was knee-high to a deacon, all of the ward Christmas parties that I have attended feature that dreaded Wal-Mart meat-of-meats: ham!
Sure, ham is cheap, but so is a piece of leather in a sweat shop (and just about as tasty).
I’ve often wondered if even a Honey Baked Ham would be better than the Wal-Mart variety I will choke down on Saturday, but I still can’t get Wilbur out of my head. Sorry, Charlotte, but the pig is dinner tomorrow and there ain’t thing one you can do about it!!
In honor of my Saturday feast, I composed a quick and dirty rendition of “I do not like cheap Mormon ham, Spam-I-am”:
I do not like cheap Mormon ham, Spam-I-am.
I do not like it in a chapel.
I do not like it in a hall.
I do not like cheap Mormon ham at all!
I will not eat it with a quorum.
I will not eat it in a storm.
I will not eat it with the sisters.
I will not eat it with the misters.
I will not eat cheap Mormon ham, Spam-I-am!
I do not like it with red punch.
I do not like it all that much.
I do not like it with potatoes.
I do not like it with tomatoes.
I do not like cheap Mormon ham, Spam-I-am!
I will not eat it with the Elders.
I will not eat it with the Sisters.
I will not eat it with the Prophet.
I will not eat it with Bro. Moffet.
I will not eat cheap Mormon ham, Spam-I-am!
Will you try it if I make you?
Will you try it if I shame you?
Will you eat it for the bishop?
Will you eat it for the bell hop?
Will you eat for your wife?
Ummmm…let me think—not on your life!
I will NOT eat cheap Mormon ham, Spam-I-am!
So, what delectable ptomaine delights will you be feasting upon at your ward Christmas parties? What is your least favorite Holiday food(s) and why? Is it Aunt Gertrude’s fruit cake that has been re-gifted for the last 20 years, or perhaps the ham, red punch and green jello? Do tell!!
Since our entire district had $441.39 in the budget on November 30, I think we’ll have potluck. If anything.
Mark,
Give me your address and I’ll send you a ham! 😉
Spam musubi is good.
I don’t know what we had this year — they decided to hold our Christmas party at 9am, and I just don’t get up that early on Saturdays, sorry. From what I understand, it was a pancake breakfast.
But the last two years, we had ham and a potluck for the sides.
We had ham, funeral potatoes (I must admit I love funeral potatoes), salad, rolls, jello (red, white, and green layers), and a pumpkin cake thing. I mentioned to my mom that I went to my ward’s party, and she correctly guessed every item except the pumpkin cake. It is, after all, the traditional Mormon meal.
I’m with you on wishing there was something other than ham, though. But bring on the funeral potatoes!
We had ham last Saturday at the Ward Christmas Dinner; it was horrible, too dry amd tough! Now if only they could have gotten a deal at Honeybaked! Last year they ran out of funeral potatoes so this year they had the bright idea to ban them and just have mashed. Ughhh! They were so bland that they had tons of them leftover.
Now this Saturday is the High Priests Group Christmas Dinner. We are having, as always, Prime Rib. (Me, doing a Homer Simpson “Prime Rib…yummm, aaghh, aaghh..”)
What are funeral potatoes?
We will have open face sandwiches and other finger foods. We missionaries were opting for turkey but the Russians wanted sandwiches and it is, after all, their party. In my 40 odd years as a member of the Mormon Church I have no memories of ham for the Ward Christmas party – turkey, yes, roast beef, once or twice, but ham, no. My husband wants to cook a ham this year to be sliced for those sandwiches though. 🙂
We are having our Ward Christmas Party tomorrow so we will see what we are going to be having. Apparently it is going to be catered. I’m not sure how they pulled that one off but I’ll let you know the details after it’s over. All I can say it is should be interesting.
Naismith, funeral potatoes are a potato cassarole (see a recipe at http://saltlakecity.about.com/od/regionalfood/r/funeralpotatoes.htm) popular at post-funeral luncheons and other gatherings (like ward Christmas parties) in the Intermountain West (i.e., where there are a lot of Mormons), though it seems to have spread as the members of the Church have spread. However, though we Mormons tend to claim this as our own, they’re common elsewhere in the U.S., most commonly in the southeast.
How does Prime Rib sliced at the table sound? At our High Priest party last week, not one piece of ham was in attendence.
I’m at my Christmas party now…eating ham and funeral potatoes- yummy!
Wanna pass the prime rib, please? 🙂
We had barbecued brisket at our ward Christmas party (and funeral potatoes).
At our last EQ social, we had steaks. And large ones.
And no one complained about us wasting money.
Thanks for the info on the potatoes. (It sounds like a lot of work, though, to pre-cook potatoes. I make au gratin potatoes from raw potatoes right into the oven.)
For our ward Christmas party, we considered that people tend to overeat at this time of the year, so we had soup, salad and rolls provided by the ward, with everyone bringing their favorite dessert to share. Very simple and good.
Wonder if this will let me post now? I had a long comment and the spam filter told me that since I’d come here from the MA, a known spam referrer, I couldn’t post.
Let the jealousy begin: my ward had a Hawaiian-themed Christmas Party. Catered barbecue chicken, salad, rolls, catered pies, pineapple, slush-punch, and rice. The only thing members cooked was the rice. It was fantastic!
Stephen M, thanks for letting us know. I think it’s fixed now.
Don’t hate us, but our ward’s Primary Teacher Appreciation Dinner was catered bbq pulled pork, rolls, salad, applesauce, and cobbler. Yum. Our RS Christmas dinner (spouses invited) was lasagna and salad, with Italian bread (called foccia or something) and desserts. Double Yum. And at nine months pregnant, I didn’t have to help clean up after the RS Dinner. Yea!
I don’t hate you, Keryn, although my mouth is watering.
There was some good that came from my complaining–my Catholic mother-in-law decided against having ham for Christmas dinner when she asked me about the food served at my ward Christmas party. I will be dining on beef roast on Christmas Day now instead of another ham, yum!!!
Is the tradition of eating ham on easter a slap in the face to Judaism?
I don’t mind eating ham on Christmas. It’s a nice break from the ubiquitous turkey. But ham on Easter has always made me uneasy.
It seems to me that in Dr. Seuss’ book that Sam finally turned around and started liking ham…