My dad filled my youth with little bits of counsel that somehow stuck with me long after I’d expect them to have faded. Once, in my early teens, I became entranced by a world of astonishing musical genius (yes, in 1990 I truly was the first person to discover Paul, John, George and Ringo– or at least the first to recognize the limitless depth of their heavenly gift), and began to spend a great deal of time hidden behind headphones or deafened by a car stereo.
My dad noticed the development, and tolerated it at a vaguely displeased distance. A good friend was bemused when I mentioned the reaction of my parents, and he submitted that they ought to be grateful I wasn’t listening to Metallica. True, I thought, there are worse things than the Beatles and Simon & Garfunkel. Besides, this music is really theirs to be ashamed of, not mine.
At intervals, my mom would take a moment to explain that she detected an unhealthy cynicism in Paul Simon’s lyrics, or a double entendre in a McCartney tune. But I learned that my dad’s objection was more obscure. I remember a moment alone with him in his study. “Ryan,” he said, “Sometimes we need quiet. Sometimes the Spirit needs quiet.” I was the kid that always knew the exact meaning of all of Dad’s sometimes oblique admonitions, and I knew exactly what he meant. I’ve never put on headphones since then without a tiny twinge of guilt over what I might end up missing.
Fifteen years later, I see that the role of secular music in my life has waxed and waned. Currently, it waxes. I’m the proud owner of a little machine that presently contains about 3500 songs, which my Itunes informs me can envelope my brain for about 9.6 days (in my defense, about three hours of that hypothetical week and a half would be religious listening). In order to exploit my investment, I seek every opportunity to listen to my music. And to add new music, and to find more time to listen to my new music. But the rattle of the earbuds is occasionally drowned out by the sounds of that distant conversation, urging me to seek out silence.
And I have to say, I’m disappointed. I always thought that by now I would have ascended to a vantage point that allowed easy sorting between the important and the trivial. In my naivete, I assumed that the world would run out of attractions for me once I was an adult. In truth, there are myriad more distractions than ever before. Just as in my youth, I’m avoiding the pernicious and ugly inputs. But I’m still plugging in to a variety of voices, and few of them come from God.
For some reason, in my recent trips to the temple, I’ve found one lesson particularly ripe. It’s the theme that I am here to cling to my spouse, and with her, find truth in opposition to the wisdom of the world. That idea of viewing worldly input with great suspicion, resonates with me, I’m not sure why. Participating in the temple with a focus on the tension between my eternal union and the incessant distraction of the world, I see clearly what is hard to see elsewhere– that our struggle here is not always about good and evil, but sometimes about focus and distraction.
And it’s that more subtle battle that we often concede, while wondering why the larger battle of good and evil can be so difficult. And so today, on an afternoon of rare quiet, alone in the house with Handel just audible from the kitchen, I’m wondering what the Spirit needs. What I need. And I’m realizing that my dad was right. Quiet is a gift, and one too rare in our lives.
The incessant intrusion into our lives by modern culture is something that provides entertainment and emotion; but sadly, leaves us little time for introspection. The unexamined life is not worth living, as Socrates put it. And yet, we find so little time for examination.
Your Dad had it right. We need silence, and time, and thought. And to be open to the Spirit. Further, I am convinced that the Spirit sends us symbolic messages continually, through our experiences. And most of the time, we do not look at them analytically enough to see the meaning in the symbolism.
Excellent post Ryan.
This may sound silly but it is said in all seriousness. I find my quiet place is actually in the shower. The “noise” of the running water actually blocks out anything else and allows me to be in a receptive spirit. I used to play music even in the bathroom and too found out by happenstance that when it was filled with only the sound of running water, it was quite conducive to the spirit. Many times I have been quiet enough to listen and learn.
Sometimes I meditate in the shower, as well.
A monk called Brother Lawrence writes about finding communion with God as he does simple tasks. Sometimes when I’m ironing or doing the dishes, I just let my mind go.
But, increasingly as I age, I need silence, peace. Barking dogs, those booming radios teens have on their cars, my neighbor’s welding equipment, I can’t think with all the noise of the world.
I enjoyed my visit to New York City, but the first thing I noticed when I got off the plane was the quiet here. Heaven must be a quiet place.
It’s really hard to enjoy music while mowing the lawn. So in spite of the noise, all I can do is think. I guess it is the silver lining on the cloud of a dull chore.
I’m new to this blog. Couldn’t resist this topic, although I realize I’m taking a risk by jumping in here, because my comments may sound mystical and give a false impression of what I’m like.
“Be still, and know that I am God”
I began to learn the value of stillness and quiet when I started learning some simple yoga exercises. After completing the asanas (positions), I was supposed to sit quiety for 5 minutes and notice how I felt inside. That was very difficult to do. Not only was I supposed to avoid movement, I was also supposed to disengage from that stream of thoughts always passing through the mind. Just sit and breathe. After about 30 seconds I felt compelled to get up and do something “productive.” But I continued to sit, and began to notice some interesting things.
I could feel energy flowing in little conduits around my body, especially up my neck, across my head, and around my face. It was almost as if I could feel the blood travelling through individual capillaries. But it was a spiritual sensation as well as a physical one.
And I felt a presence immediately surrounding me, gently pushing the breath into my nostrils, kind of like a life-support machine. Made me think of Benjamin’s reminder that the Lord lends us breath from moment to moment. Now, I know that the Lord’s omnipresence does not mean his corporeal being is always hanging around, but the presence I felt was personal. It’s hard to write about this without lapsing into words like “essence.”
It was the first time I felt the reality of the Lord being “in and through all things,” including my very skin. It has struck me that this presence is constant — I just rarely notice it. Whenever I feel alone, I can turn inward and feel the comfort of connection with deity.
If it sounds strange, try it. The sensations were surely heightened by the exercises which preceeded the meditation, but just sitting and breathing can bring awareness of being on “spiritual life support.” It’s a kind of prayer.
I grew up with the mountains in my daily life and blood then married an amazing and wonderful man whose idea of camping is a hotel without cable, so I have had a hard time conveying the sense of peace and stillness I feel by just sitting quietly in the forest or on a riverbank. Now that we are big city dwellers I miss having a place to go to where the sounds of the modern world are too distant to be heard, but I am thankful for the similar peace that I feel in the Temple.
My quiet time is very early in the morning, when everyone else is sleeping. I get up early, and before going to the gym, I try to ponder life for a few moments in the quiet, pre-dawn stillness. As Ryan says- it’s great.
Ryan, I love the Beatles (they’re more my generation than yours) and just about all of the popular music from the 1960s and 1970s. But I don’t listen to them in the car much anymore because I often find that, like you, I need quiet time. I usually listen to hymns or other Church music (something I never would have imagined six years ago), but I find it helps me focus on the important things and avoid the distractions. There is a reason the temple is so quiet — it’s supposed to be that way.
This is an excellent nugget. Not only is it right on target with the need for quiet and meditation in our hectic modern world, but you make a very important point in that “our struggle here is not always about good and evil, but sometimes about focus and distraction.” After all, there are many good choices in the world, many ways to spend our time, but not all of them are always the right ways (at least at a particular time). Focus and distraction bring a couple of things to mind: the first is D&C 6:36 (“Look unto me in every thought”) along with the brazen serpent. The second is a Brigham Young quote from Elder Faust’s “Standing in Holy Places” talk this past Conference: “Thirty years’ experience has taught me that every moment of my life must be holiness to the Lord, resulting from equity, justice, mercy and uprightness in all my actions, which is the only course by which I can preserve the Spirit of the Almighty to myself.” It’s certainly hard to maintain this kind of a focus, since there are so many distractions (both good and bad), but being aware of the battle does make it easier.
Ryan, I loved this post.
I wonder how we can more effectively facilitate quiet in our homes. For the most part, I love the sounds of my children, but quiet time is minimal. I think some children are naturally more intropsective than others. I wonder how we help the “movers and shakers” slow down and drink in some quiet time.
Kathy S., as it happens, my dad is a devout disciple of Yoga, an avocation that I think grows from his search for quiet and focus. Interesting that you bring it up. I’ve resisted joining him (“hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good ipod by your side”), but I understand the appeal.
Andrea, I don’t really know the answer. My passive strategy is just to make sure I always take best advantage of the moments when I do find that the noisemaking entities and activities have left the house. But besides those rare moments, I don’t know how to impose more quiet. As it happens, I’m the only one in my house who needs occasional moments of introspection, so it’s not always easy to find them. A lot of the times that I sit down at the computer to write a journal entry or post, I get pressured into pulling up images of choo-choos and The Wiggles. Now that’s introspection.
Andrea (how I love that name- the name of my nearest and dearest…),
One thing that works for me in helping my “mover and shaker” child to slow down and enjoy some quiet time is to include him in my morning meditations/scripture study. He is an early riser, so frequently I hear him get up while I am drinking in the pre-dawn quiet. Though I sometimes ignore him, I also sometimes emerge and invite him to come sit with me and read a book or draw or write while I continue pondering. Sometimes he watches me, and I think he understands the value of a quiet moment spent with just the two of us, in an otherwise dark and sleepy house.
Note: I also think it is important to help provide a spouse with such moments. Often when I return home from work, my wife will go lock herself in our quiet bedroom while I play with the kids elsewhere in the house or outside. It gives her a needed break from an otherwise exhausting day- and a chance to ponder and reflect, or just unwind by quietly reading one of her favorite magazines or talking on the phone with a friend.
Shhhhhh Be quiet
Here is a poem that I wrote that helps me calm down sometimes and also reflect.
Softly stop!/ Can you hear the ping of a pin drop?/ When was the last time you were still enough to hear a new rain’s rhythm as it hits the roof drop by drop by drop./ Attune yourself to the pitter patter of all tangible matter/ Layers of sound do abound./ Choruses of happy shouts and children’s laughter all around/ When’s the last time you heard the cricket’s song?/ With it’s steady, fast beat when Summer’s days are long./ Revel in the melodic call of a bird./ Take notice of the cadence of the spoken word./ Start to listen to life’s simple refrains with your heart./ Always remember that the sum is greater than the whole of its parts.
I really enjoyed this topic and all of the comments. Thank you!
Ryan, so do you think that only some people really need quiet moments of introspection or simply that certain people crave/miss it more than others? Should those less inclined make efforts to do it as well, or if you don’t desire it don’t worry about it?
Jordan, (thank you, I’m gald you’re a fan of my name – I have to say most of the Andrea’s I know are pretty great. :))
I love your suggestion. One of my sibling’s friends oberved that our parents were always “reading and typing”(writing in their journals). I think modeling is a great tool.
I serve in Primary and my tendancy when the children get noisy is to talk louder, but I’ve observed in more talented teachers, that they stop and wait for quiet or speak more softly and it’s effect amazes me. I’m sure the same is true in our homes, if we respond to chaos with calm it is far more effective than responding with more chaos. If it would just be quiet for a minute so I could think all of that through before I react:)
bkb, how nice you found some quiet time to compose something that helps you remember the importance of quiet.
Ryan,
That’s interesting about your father. I have a lot of respect for those who discipline themselves to reap the full benefits of a yoga practice (I’m just a casual participant). I’ll bet you could add another facet to your appreciation of his teachings by seeing how some plain old breathing suits you. The ipod has to recharge sometime, esp. if your battery is one of the wimpy ones. Don’t worry — you don’t have to say “om” even once …
Geoff B.
Since the Beatles are more your and my generation, I have to let you know that i served in Liverpool and visited the Cavern on a couple of occasions, had my hair cut at the barber shop in Penny Lane (it was in my area)( and left my card and picture),and tracted the street that Paul McCartney’s parents lived on, but was too chicken to knock on their door.
Didn’t want to threadjack, so let me add a few points about that music. For a number of years I was in the hearing industry, and learned some hard truths.
Listeneing to rock music at the high levels we do, will, and I mean will, cause severe hearing losses. At that point we can have all the peace we can stand, because everything else will be blocked out, except for maybe, the tinnitus that is left behind.
“A lot of the times that I sit down at the computer to write a journal entry or post, I get pressured into pulling up images of choo-choos and The Wiggles.”
Ryan, at our house it’s “Go Baby!” a Playhouse Disney short. My toddler will only say a few words, but “Go Baby!” are a couple of them (and of course I have to humor him, or he might decide to speak even less).
I have tried yoga a few times, and really liked it, but at the same time there’s always a voice at the back of my head telling me to hurry up, or an impatient feeling that if I’m going to exercise, I should do something more strenuous and frenetic. I think the impatience, the feeling that I ought to be doing something all the time, is the biggest obstacle to getting the quiet time I need for spiritual health.
Hey Ryan,
I’ll take advantage of this (rare) moment of solidarity. I, too, have had my life absolutely changed by my iPod; I, too, suspect that quiet times of reflection are much more important than we often give them credit for; I, too, often reflect on the incompatibility of these two things.
Thanks for your post.
Allison, that is so well put. That same feeling of impatience is what has kept me from doing more meditation-wise, even though what I have done has truly benefitted me. It’s hard enough to find enough quiet time to do the “checklist” items – formal prayer, scriptures. I like annegb’s suggestion to find resting space for the mind while doing “mindless” tasks. I find that a lot of ideas/inspiration floating in when I’m in that mode. Still, I find it particularly hard to foster the kind of quietude that requires deep focus. The little that I have done has helped me a lot in prayer. I’ve found it much easier to tap in to a sense of true connection — to, dare I say it, reach out with my feelings instead of just my thoughts.
Ryan, beautiful thoughts, beautifully expressed as always. Just a couple of quotes to cement the point, which you’ve probably thought of.
“Satan has a powerful tool to use against good people. It is distraction. He would have good people fill life with ‘good things’ so there is no room for the essential ones. Have you unconsciously been caught in that trap?” Elder Richard G. Scott, Ensign, 5/01, 7
Pres. Hinckley:
“You need time to meditate and ponder, to think, to wonder at the great plan of happiness that the Lord has outlined for His children. You need to read the scriptures. You need to read good literature. You need to partake of the great culture which is available to all of us.
“I heard President David O. McKay say to the members of the Twelve on one occasion, ‘Brethren, we do not spend enough time meditating.’
“I believe that with all my heart. Our lives become extremely busy. We run from one thing to another. We wear ourselves out in thoughtless pursuit of goals which are highly ephemeral. We are entitled to spend some time with ourselves in introspection, in development. I remember my dear father when he was about the age that I am now. He lived in a home where there was a rock wall on the grounds. It was a low wall, and when the weather was warm, he would go and sit on his wall. It seemed to me he sat there for hours, thinking, meditating, pondering things that he would say and write, for he was a very gifted speaker and writer. He read much, even into his very old age. He never ceased growing. Life was for him a great adventure in thinking.
Your needs and your tastes along these lines will vary with your age. But all of us need some of it. I decry the great waste of time that people put into watching inane television. I am not anti-sports. I enjoy watching a good football game or a good basketball game. But I see so many men who become absolutely obsessed with sports. I believe their lives would be enriched if, instead of sitting on the sofa and watching a game that will be forgotten tomorrow, they would read and think and ponder. Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley. “Life’s Obligations”, Ensign, Feb. 1999, p.5.
One of my favorite quotes (in my Top 5 for sure):
Andrea wrote (# 16):
I think it is a fact of life that half of Heavenly Father’s children are extroverts (primarily get their “batteries charged” by social interaction) and the other half are introvert (get their batteries charged by “me time”).
I personally am an introvert and even after 48 years of life don’t understand how my extrovert friends can survive with hardly any “down time”. I really like social interaction, but if I go for too long without any quiet time, I begin to feel way out of balance. I have yet to hear of an extrovert who has made a sustained effort to have some quiet time for pondering who then feels “out of balance” because he misses social contact. In my experience, extroverts don’t ever seek for quiet time and they don’t particularly care if they cause us introverts to miss out on our “battery -charging sessions”.
Perhaps the Savior modeled a perfect balance between the two – in some cases dismissing entire multitudes so he could have some private time, yet not hesitating to go out and spread his Father’s message. He also had some very rich personal friendships (e.g. Martha, Mary, Lazarus).
My daughter’s third grade teacher would turn off the lights and speak very softly when the kids got noisy.