While driving home from work earlier this week, I ran over something (that something is still a mystery) and ended up with two flat tires. I, of course, followed the only rational approach in such a situation – I panicked. When I thought it was only one flat tire, I reviewed in my mind how to put on the spare, all the while panicking. When I then saw that there were two tires rapidly deflating and one spare tire just wasn’t going to be sufficient, I immediately realized that this is why I pay for AAA, all the while panicking. I’m pretty good at working up a good panic. Call it a gift.
When I got home, I immediately called my mom. There was nothing she could do about my problems, and I really didn’t need any help since I knew the course of action to take, but I just wanted a sounding board – someone who could sympathize with my frustrations and annoyance. She listened to my whining and complaining, responding with the appropriate, “That’s so frustrating!†and other supporting phrases. And then I felt better and we said our goodbyes.
But the thing is, I hadn’t emailed or called my parents in quite a while, nor had I stopped by to say hello when I was in their neck of the woods a couple weeks ago. I’ve been a neglectful daughter, as far as communication goes. Mom was there for me that evening, and for that I am incredibly grateful, and she would never have said, “You haven’t called in month, so I’m going to hang up now.†But I really should keep family communication a higher priority.
And this extends into my communications with my Heavenly Father, too. I’ve always struggled with prayer (even my patriarchal blessing discusses my prayer problems), not because I don’t find it worthwhile or productive, but because… I don’t know why (seriously, I been staring at this for half an hour trying to figure out why, but I don’t know). I’ve never had problems studying the scriptures (I love to read them) or paying tithing (never been an issue) or most other things considered basic necessities in an active Mormon life, but prayer just seems to wax and wane, and I always have to chastise myself and try to make it a regular thing yet again.
Just like how I called my mother only when I needed her, when the tire sounded like it was going flat but didn’t feel like it was going flat, so I kept driving and hoping it could make it home, I was praying my heart out. I’ve been neglectful in my prayers, but when I needed help, I suddenly found myself praying. Desperately praying. And just as my mother offered me the emotional support, my Heavenly Father helped me get home, 5 miles from where I ran over whatever I ran over, even though I’d been communicationally neglectful.
So now I feel guilty and once more am making an attempt to have prayer be a more integral part of my life. Here’s hoping I’ll be more successful this time.
Terrific thoughts, Tanya. My own experience is eerily similar — I could have written that myself. And I was just thinking earlier today that I need to get back to praying regularly.
My problem has been that I haven’t found prayer to be a two-way experience, even during the times where I was consistent with it (and doing all the other stuff, too). I’ve tried to comfort myself with the thought that conversational prayer is a spiritual gift that I just don’t have, but it still seems like I’m missing out somehow.
That’s not to say that I don’t have spiritual experiences — I do, they just come in other forms. But I wish that prayer was one area where I could talk and then hear back once in a while.
Any suggestions from those who do “hear back”? Or is everyone else just like me and Tanya?
I do think that formal prayer at regular times is important. However, I have trouble getting into a real habit with it.
However, I feel that my internal monologue is often a prayer.
What is the purpose of prayer? It isn’t to tell HF what to do, it is to align your will with HF’s.
I feel that my internal monologue is often a prayer. I find my “constant” prayer as I go about my day (sometimes formally in Jesus’ name but without closing my eyes) is usually along the themes of “Heavenly Father help me be strong” and “Heavenly Father help me know what to do.”
I think, like you, I need to be better at my formal praying at regular times. But, I can’t discount the constant prayer in my heart.
Tanya, what an awful day! Two flat tires!!!!:(
I do think that having a real need humbles us and breaks away layers between ourselves and our Father in Heaven. I was I could describe it better. I do know when I am raw and things are out of my hands that my heart can really pour out the words that I want to say. Oftentimes, I do not feel worthy to ask for such assistance and have felt so blessed that Father in Heaven hears my prayers.
I have gone through dry periods where I struggled to pray. I always prayed but really was going through the motions. I wonder if it is better not to pray if your heart is just not in it.
I have felt the love of God when I pray and I think that when praying it is good to think of Father in Heaven as a friend while still maintaining the proper humility.
Mike
I feel like I get better at getting answers to prayers as time goes by. Like I’m learning how to listen.
Most answers to prayers don’t come right away for me. Let’s say I have a problem or question about what I should do. I pray for guidance. I still feel upset and confused. Maybe it is days or weeks, or even months. Finally, at some point I know the answer. It is often not while I am praying that I get the answer, yet I think the praying was necessary in order to get the answer.
Occasionally I’ve gotten an answer quickly and immediately. Occasionally I haven’t been sure if I got an answer. Sometimes it takes a while to understand the answer.
I think that we all want open communication between us and the Lord. The other kinds of spiritual experiences are communication from the Lord. I am sure that your praying has opened up those lines of communication, so don’t discount your less often but still existant prayers.
The only other thing to point out is what exactly are your praying for? Sometimes we think we are praying about the right things, but we have much to learn.
My sister told me that she left the church as a teenager (partially at least) because she was mad at God because she had prayed and prayed for him to tell her that he loved her and that he was real. I have to admit that I myself didn’t really know what I was doing in my teenage prayers. Its only as the years have gone on that I have learned more. How could I explain years of praying experience to my sister? That it gets better with practice?
But I think I have learned that praying isn’t about telling God what to do. It is about giving yourself to the Lord. Jesus gives us the example of asking for something, but then saying not my will, but thine be done. We really, really need to get to the point where prayers do say that we trust him enough to submit to his will….even if it means that we don’t get what we want. From good weather to good health. It is hard to do. Especially about my kids. How can I not pray for them to have no problems? But I have to be willing to tell the Lord that I prefer his will, to mine. I haven’t gotten to that point, unconditionally, yet. I really, really do want him to protect my children from all harm. I really, really do want them to have the lives that I imagine. How hard it is to turn them over to him.
I’m mostly baffled about this too, Mike. But here’s my two cents: After some long, long stretches of mostly unsatisfying and infrequent prayers, I’m enjoying a very fulfilling rennaissance right now. The only thing I can think of that I’m doing differently is striving to meet President Hinckley’s challenge to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. Suddenly, prayer is a lot more meaningful to me, and the Spirit really has come to my life in much greater depth than at times previous. As far as I’m concerned, President Hinckley’s challenge is already a success, and has already proved prophetic.
I look at it like this. If we always felt an outpouring of divine guidance when we read scriptures, attended Church, or prayed, then there would not be much of a need for us to show obedience as we would always feel rewarded. As I wrote this sentence, my mind had another thought. If we felt revelation on such a constant basis then there would not be those special spiritual moments.
I too feel that I do not get very clear answers much of the time when I ask guidance. I know that I probably go before God very doubleminded and afraid that he may ask more than I believe I am able to do. Also, I do not study things out in my mind enough.
I can testify that I have had times when there was a family member in bad health or that I was worried about their well-being for some reason and I have felt a great calm that made me feel that all was well. That has been one of my greatest blessings even when I do not feel my life is in harmony as it should be.
If every prayer were answered right away, we would not need to answer faith either. I think that goes more with my original statement. For me, I do better with my prayer life than I do with my scripture reading normally although I do read the Book of Mormon usually every day. For quite some time, I did topical searches on the internet. It helped me focus as my mind wanders a lot when reading the scriptures.
When I heard of President Hinckley’s challenge, I decided to start the Book of Mormon from the beginning. I usually loose my book mark and do not know where I was as I have little recall of what I read during my daydreaming the day before.
The amazing thing for me is that I have been concentrating so much as I have been reading from the start. Sometimes it is a concerted effort on my part and I have to go back and read something where I was day dreaming. Yet, I can go longer stretches with my mind focused. I used to have trouble with just a column keeping my attention.